How Do I Know If It’s Time to See a Sex Therapist for Low Desire?

How Do I Know If It’s Time to See a Sex Therapist for Low Desire?

Experiencing low sexual desire can be confusing, frustrating, and sometimes worrying. If you’ve noticed a decrease in your interest in sex, you may be wondering whether it’s normal or if professional support is needed. Low desire is common, and it’s treatable with the right guidance. For those living in Chicago, Embrace Sexual Wellness therapists can help you identify the causes of low libido and provide strategies to improve sexual satisfaction and intimacy.

What Is Low Sexual Desire?

Low sexual desire, also called hypoactive sexual desire or low libido, is a reduced interest in sexual activity that affects both individuals and couples. Some signs may include:

• Fewer sexual thoughts or fantasies

• Avoiding sexual activity with your partner

• Feeling emotionally disconnected during intimacy

Common Causes of Low Desire

Low desire often results from a combination of factors including:

• Biological factors: Hormonal changes, chronic illness, medication side effects, fatigue

• Psychological factors: Stress, anxiety, depression, past trauma, body image concerns

• Relationship factors: Communication issues, emotional distance, unresolved conflict, mismatched sexual needs

Understanding the root causes is essential, as low desire rarely has a single explanation.

How to Know When It’s Time to See a Chicago Sex Therapist

Not every dip in sexual desire requires therapy; signs that professional support can help include:

• Persistent low interest: Desire has been low for months and affects your satisfaction

• Stress or guilt about sex: Anxiety or shame around sexual activity

• Relationship strain: Ongoing tension, conflict, or reduced emotional connection

• Emotional distress: Sadness, frustration, or lowered self-esteem due to low desire

• Physical factors not improving: Libido remains low despite addressing medical or hormonal issues

If these signs resonate, it may be time to consider working with a Chicago sex therapist or a combination of individual and couples therapy.

How a Chicago Sex Therapist Can Help

A sex therapist in Chicago provides specialized support for individuals and couples experiencing low desire. Therapy may include:

• Evidence-based techniques: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Mindfulness, and Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)

• Psychoeducation: Understanding sexual response, desire cycles, and common myths

• Practical exercises: Communication strategies, intimacy-building activities, and mindfulness practices

• Individualized support: Tailored approaches addressing physical, psychological, and relational factors

At Embrace Sexual Wellness, we offer therapy in-person in Chicago or online via telehealth, making it accessible and flexible for busy schedules.

Self-Reflection: Are You Ready for Therapy?

Before booking a session, reflect on your experience:

• How long have you noticed low desire?

• How is it affecting your relationship or emotional well-being?

• Have you tried lifestyle changes, stress reduction, or self-help strategies?

• Are you open to exploring deeper emotional, psychological, or relational factors?

Even if you’re unsure, book a free 10 minute phone consultation with one of our Chicago sex therapists.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

1. Is low sexual desire normal?

Sexual desire naturally fluctuates throughout our lifetime. People who experience persistent low desire that causes distress or impacts their relationship may benefit from sex therapy.

2. What’s the difference between a sex therapist and a general therapist?

A sex therapist specializes in sexual health, intimacy, and desire, addressing physical, emotional and relational factors, while a general therapist may not have this specialized training. The process of talk therapy may feel similar, but the overall focus and expertise is more significant in sex therapy.

3. Can therapy improve desire for couples?

Absolutely. Couples therapy combined with sex therapy can help partners reconnect emotionally and sexually, improving desire and satisfaction. It’s common for partners to have relational concerns that overlap with sexual intimacy ones.

4. How long does therapy take to improve low desire?

The timeline varies depending on individual circumstances. Some notice improvements in a few sessions, while others may take several months. The key is consistent, guided practice and exploration.

Taking the First Step in Chicago

Low sexual desire is common and treatable. Seeking support from a sex therapist is a proactive step toward reclaiming intimacy and emotional connection. Therapy isn’t just about “fixing” sex. Instead, it’s about improving communication, emotional closeness, and overall sexual wellness.

If you’ve been experiencing persistent low desire, or if it’s causing strain in your relationship or self-confidence, scheduling a consultation with our team of Chicago sex therapists can help you:

• Understand the underlying causes of low desire

• Learn strategies to reignite sexual interest and cope with differences

• Strengthen emotional and physical intimacy with your partner

TLDR

Recognizing the signs of low desire and seeking professional support can transform your sexual and relational well-being. A sex therapist provides a safe, supportive space to explore challenges, gain clarity, and develop tools to improve desire and intimacy. Your sexual wellness is important, and taking this step shows commitment to both yourself and your relationship.

Why Don’t I Want Sex Anymore, and Is Something Wrong With Me?

If you’ve found yourself thinking, “I just don’t want sex anymore,” you’re not alone.
Maybe sex used to feel exciting or connecting, or maybe it’s always been complicated. But now, it feels like something you avoid, feel pressure around, or just don’t think about at all. It’s confusing. Sometimes scary. And for many people, the first question that follows is:

“Is something wrong with me?”

The short answer: no. But your experience does deserve attention, care, and support.

Low sexual desire, or no desire at all, is incredibly common, especially among women in long-term relationships who are juggling work, parenting, emotional labor, or unresolved relationship tension. It’s also one of the most common concerns clients bring to therapy.

Let’s break down why desire can shift, what it might be trying to tell you, and how working with a therapist can help you feel more connected to yourself and to your partner.

What Does It Mean If I Have Low Sexual Desire?

Desire isn’t a fixed personality trait. It ebbs and flows across our lives and relationships. So when you notice a change in your interest in sex, that’s not a flaw or failure, it’s a signal.

Desire often fades in response to something (e.g., stress, resentment, exhaustion, disconnection, or even internalized shame about sex). But instead of interpreting that signal with curiosity, many people assume it’s a reflection of their identity or worth.

In reality, desire is complex. It can be relational, emotional, hormonal, psychological, or all of the above. And with the right support, it’s often possible to understand it, and reclaim it, on your own terms.

It’s also important to note the difference between low sexual desire and asexuality. Asexuality is a valid sexual orientation, not a dysfunction or problem to fix. A person who is asexual may experience little or no sexual attraction, and that’s a healthy part of their identity. In contrast, low desire usually feels like a change from what’s been typical for you, or something that’s causing distress or tension in your relationship. If you’re unsure where you fall, therapy can help you explore that with curiosity and care.

Why You Might Not Want Sex Right Now

Here are just a few of the common (and very valid) reasons desire might be low:

Mental Load and Overwhelm

For many women, sex doesn’t just require time, it requires mental space. When your mind is full of to-do lists, caregiving responsibilities, and work stress, it’s hard to feel present or open to physical connection.

Burnout and Emotional Fatigue

Chronic stress and burnout have a major impact on our nervous systems. When you’re in survival mode, your body prioritizes rest and regulation over arousal or intimacy. It’s biology, not personal failure.

Disconnection or Resentment in the Relationship

Desire needs safety and closeness to thrive. If you feel emotionally distant from your partner, or if there’s unspoken frustration, miscommunication, or unequal labor in the relationship, it’s no surprise that intimacy starts to feel less appealing.

Sex Hasn’t Felt Good in a While

If past sexual experiences have felt pressured, unfulfilling, or one-sided, your body may begin to anticipate more of the same. This can trigger shutdown or avoidance,.not because you’re broken, but because your nervous system is protecting you.

Hormonal Changes or Medical Factors

Perimenopause, postpartum recovery, chronic pain, and certain medications can all affect desire. It’s important to understand how physical and hormonal shifts are impacting your experience, not to pathologize, but to make space for healing.

When Low Desire Impacts Your Relationship

In many couples, low desire creates a pattern of tension: one person initiates; the other pulls away; both feel frustrated, rejected, or confused. Over time, this can lead to emotional distance, decreased physical affection, or feelings of inadequacy.

It’s easy to assume that a lack of sex means something is fundamentally wrong with the relationship. Often, lack of interest in sex is not about the relationship at all, it’s about the conditions the relationship is existing in.

That’s where therapy can help.

How Sex Therapy Supports Healing and Connection

Whether you’re working individually or as a couple, therapy can be a powerful way to better understand your relationship with desire and gently shift it.

You don’t need to be in crisis to benefit. Many clients seek support when they simply notice: “I’m not feeling like myself,” or “I miss the intimacy we used to have.”

Here’s what therapy can offer:

A Shame-Free Space to Explore What’s Happening

You don’t have to explain or justify why sex feels different right now. A skilled therapist creates space for you to name what’s real, without fear of judgment or pressure to “fix” anything quickly.

Tools to Regulate the Nervous System

Many people experiencing low desire are operating in a state of chronic stress or hypervigilance. Therapy can introduce mindfulness-based tools that help you feel safer, calmer, and more attuned to your body.

Support for Couples to Reconnect

In couples therapy, we work to reduce pressure around sex and strengthen emotional intimacy. That might look like practicing more open communication, addressing longstanding resentment, or redefining what connection means in this season of your life.

Reframing What Desire Really Is

Desire doesn’t always look spontaneous or urgent. Sometimes it’s responsive, meaning something that builds when you feel relaxed, cared for, and emotionally safe. Therapy helps you explore your unique template for desire, without comparison or shame.

What If I’m Not Sure Where to Start?

That’s okay. You don’t have to have it all figured out. In fact, therapy is a place to not have all the answers.

If you’re in the Chicago area, or looking for virtual support across Illinois, our team at Embrace Sexual Wellness offers compassionate, trauma-informed sex therapy that meets you where you are.

We specialize in working with individuals and couples navigating low desire, performance anxiety, and emotional or sexual disconnection. Whether you’re looking for support on your own or with your partner, we’re here to help you take the next right step.

Signs You Might Benefit from Therapy

You don’t need a diagnosis or a crisis to reach out. Therapy might be helpful if:

• You feel disconnected from your body or desire

• Sex feels like a duty, not a choice

• You and your partner have stopped talking about intimacy

• You feel guilt, shame, or confusion about your level of desire

• You want to feel more present and connected during intimacy

You’re Not Broken. You’re Human.

Low desire is not a flaw. It’s a signal, a cue from your body and mind that something deserves attention. And like most things in therapy, that signal can become a starting point for healing, growth, and deeper connection.

You don’t have to navigate it alone.

If you’re curious about working with a therapist to explore your relationship with sex, we invite you to reach out to our team of providers. Whether you’re based in Illinois or another state we’re licensed in, support is available.

How to Figure Out What You Actually Enjoy During Sex

The first step to having satisfying sex is to understand what you enjoy. It is difficult for a partner to facilitate pleasure without any direction. Many people are uncertain of what they like or want for a variety of reasons. Cultural stigma and sexual shame can exacerbate this knowledge gap. So how do you figure out what you like in the bedroom? In this article, we’ll highlight how to better understand your own pleasure and offer reflection questions to guide your exploration.  

What are some practical tips for learning what you like in the bedroom?

1. Read and watch erotica

”Erotica” is any sexually explicit literary or artistic work. It can be a great tool for exploring sexual interests alone or with a partner/partners. Erotica can include books, short stories, audio clips, drawings and more. Exploring erotica and taking note of what excites you will give you more information about what you may or may not enjoy during sex. 

2. Explore your body and masturbation

Before bringing a partner into the mix, try intentionally touching and exploring your own body. This should go beyond just your genitals, although that can be important too. Try different types of touch like gentle versus firmer pressure. Let go of your assumptions of what you are “supposed” to like and explore freely. You can also try different types of masturbation, like acute versus broad stimulation, experimenting with sex toys, and varying your position like sitting versus lying down. 

3. Experiment with a trusted partner

The best way to learn what you enjoy during partnered sex is to try it out with a partner. Make sure you choose a partner who you can talk to about your curiosity, hesitations, and uncertainty. When you broach the subject, make sure to choose a time when they are in a headspace to talk about it and offer them time to think about it. If you decide to proceed, establish explicit expectations and a safe word. Afterwards, when you are ready, talk about how it went and whether or not you want to do it again.    

Reflection Questions

Understanding your feelings about sex may also help you better understand your desires. Here are some questions to guide your reflection so you can better understand what you want during sex: 

• Are there parts of your body where you particularly enjoy being stimulated? 

• Are there parts of your body that you do not want a partner to touch?

• How do you feel about integrating sex toys or props into your sex life?

• Do you have sexual trauma that needs to be taken into account?

• Do you like dirty talk?

• Do you want to take the lead or do you want to be led? 

• How much stimulation do you want to receive versus give?

• How do you want sex to make you feel? Do you want to feel loved, sexy, powerful, degraded, and/or something else? 

• What type of genital stimulation do you prefer? 

• Do you want to be penetrated?

• What kind of sexual aftercare is important to you?

Takeaway

Knowing what you enjoy in bed is important for directing partners and maximizing your satisfaction. With techniques like self-exploration and reflection, you can hopefully figure out what works best for you. Factors like sexual trauma and shame can contribute to being unsure of your preferences. If you are experiencing roadblocks that are preventing you from learning your sexual desires, consider reaching out to a sex therapist.