How to Handle Pain During Sex: Tips from a Sex Therapist

Sexual pain is a difficult and often misunderstood issue that many individuals and couples face. Whether it's caused by pelvic pain, physical conditions, or psychological factors, painful sex can strain relationships and emotional well-being. Fortunately, there are ways to address this discomfort, both physically and emotionally, to help you reclaim intimacy in your relationship. In this blog post, we'll discuss how to respond when sex is painful, explore some of the common causes, and explain how professional help from a sex therapist or couples counseling can help.

Understanding the Causes of Painful Sex

Pain during sex, or dyspareunia, can arise from multiple causes—some physical, some emotional. Understanding the underlying reasons for the pain is key to addressing it effectively. Research has shown that these causes can be broad, ranging from physiological conditions to psychological stressors.

• Physical Conditions: A variety of conditions can contribute to painful sex, including vaginismus (involuntary pelvic muscle spasms), endometriosis, and pelvic inflammatory disease. These conditions have been shown to cause significant discomfort during penetration and may require medical intervention

• Infections or Medical Issues: Common causes of painful sex include vaginal dryness, often related to hormonal imbalances (such as during menopause), or infections like yeast infections or urinary tract infections (UTIs). Research indicates that these conditions can directly affect comfort during intercourse

• Psychological Factors: Anxiety, stress, trauma, and relationship issues often contribute to pain during sex. Studies show that psychological and emotional factors can manifest physically, leading to muscle tension and discomfort during intimacy 

The First Step: Rule Out Physical Causes

When painful sex is persistent, it’s essential to first rule out medical conditions. This involves seeing a healthcare professional like a gynecologist, urologist, or pelvic pain specialist. A thorough evaluation may include a physical examination, imaging, and lab tests to diagnose conditions such as vaginal atrophy or pelvic floor dysfunction.

Pelvic floor therapy is often recommended for conditions like vaginismus and pelvic pain, where physical therapy techniques help relax and retrain the pelvic muscles. Peer-reviewed studies support the efficacy of pelvic floor physical therapy in treating sexual pain.

When the Pain Is Psychological: How to Respond

If the pain persists despite addressing physical conditions, the next step is considering the psychological aspects. Research shows that emotional trauma, anxiety, and relationship dynamics can contribute significantly to painful intercourse.

• Communication: Having open and non-judgmental conversations with your partner is critical. Emotional intimacy and trust are foundational in overcoming psychological factors contributing to sexual pain. Research on sexual communication in couples indicates that couples who communicate openly about their needs are better able to resolve sexual difficulties.

• Focus on Emotional Intimacy: Instead of focusing on intercourse, emphasize non-sexual touch, like kissing, cuddling, or simply spending time together. Studies have shown that improving emotional intimacy can reduce anxiety about sex and improve sexual satisfaction.

Seeking Professional Help: The Role of a Sex Therapist

When painful sex is partly or entirely psychological, seeking help from a sex therapist can be a game changer. Sex therapy helps individuals and couples explore the emotional, relational, and physical aspects of sex in a supportive, nonjudgmental environment.

Sex therapists are trained to help address not just the physical discomfort of sexual pain but also the emotional blocks that may be contributing. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and mindfulness-based therapy have been shown to effectively treat sexual pain by addressing the emotional components and helping individuals reduce the pain intensity.

Research supports the benefits of sex therapy for treating both physical and psychological sexual dysfunctions. Therapy can include education about body awareness, relaxation techniques, and gradual exposure to sexual activity to reduce anxiety and discomfort.

The Benefits of Couples Counseling for Painful Sex

Sexual pain can affect not only the individual experiencing discomfort but also the relationship as a whole. It’s important to recognize that sexual difficulties are often a shared challenge in a partnership. Couples counseling can help both partners navigate the emotional and relational aspects of sexual pain.

In couples counseling, a therapist can facilitate discussions about sexual expectations, boundaries, and emotional needs, helping both partners feel heard and supported. Studies suggest that when couples engage in therapy together, it can improve both their emotional and sexual connection.

Addressing Pain During Sex: Practical Tips

Alongside professional support, there are practical steps that individuals and couples can take to manage painful sex in the short term:

• Lubrication: Research confirms that the use of lubricant can alleviate vaginal dryness and reduce friction, making sex more comfortable

• Take Your Time: Slowing down, focusing on foreplay, and communicating about comfort levels are all important strategies for reducing anxiety and pain during sex.

• Pelvic Floor Exercises: Strengthening pelvic floor muscles through Kegel exercises have been shown to reduce discomfort for some women experiencing pelvic pain. Women with overactive (hypertonic) pelvic floor muscles would benefit from pelvic floor physical therapy to manage pelvic pain, which typically includes techniques like biofeedback, relaxation exercises, stretching, and manual therapy to help retrain the muscles and reduce tension.

• Try Different Positions: Experiment with sexual positions that reduce pressure on sensitive areas, allowing both partners to enjoy intimacy without causing pain. Research suggests that modifying sexual positions can help reduce pain and improve sexual function.

Finding the Right Support: “Sex Therapy Near Me”

If painful sex is affecting your relationship, seeking professional support is crucial. Whether you search for "sex therapy near me" or explore couples counseling options, finding the right therapist can provide the tools you need to navigate this issue. Sex therapy is designed to address both the physical and emotional components of sexual pain, while couples counseling can improve communication and connection. With the right support, you can find ways to manage painful sex and improve your overall sexual wellness.

TLDR

Painful sex, whether due to physical issues like pelvic pain or emotional factors, can be overwhelming, but it’s something that can be addressed. The first step is understanding the underlying causes, whether medical or psychological, and seeking help from a healthcare provider. If emotional or relational factors are contributing, seeking guidance from a sex therapist or engaging in couples counseling can provide invaluable support. Remember, sexual pain is not something to face alone—professional help can guide you back to a fulfilling, comfortable, and intimate relationship.

How to Maintain Intimacy and Sex While Apart: Tips for Long-Distance Couples

Long-distance relationships, whether they’re the result of work, travel, or other circumstances, come with their own unique challenges—none more complex than maintaining intimacy and a fulfilling sexual connection.

In a world where instant gratification is a click away, how do couples keep the spark alive when they’re physically apart?

The good news is that intimacy and sexual connection don't have to fade with distance. With a little creativity, communication, and openness, couples can maintain, and even strengthen, their bond while apart. Here’s how to keep your relationship both emotionally and physically fulfilling, even when you’re not in the same room.

Prioritize Emotional Intimacy First

Intimacy isn't just physical; it starts emotionally. While sex is often the focal point of intimacy, emotional connection forms the foundation for any healthy sexual relationship. When you're apart, the key is to keep those emotional lines of communication strong.

Ways to nurture emotional intimacy:

• Regular check-ins: Make time for daily or weekly "heart-to-heart" conversations. Share your thoughts, your day, your highs and lows. The deeper you go emotionally, the more you’ll feel connected when you’re apart.

• Be vulnerable: Opening up about your needs, desires, and insecurities helps create a sense of closeness and trust. Vulnerability creates a safe space for both partners to express themselves freely.

• Active listening: Make sure you're listening to your partner with the intention of understanding—not just responding. Active listening builds empathy and shows that you’re truly invested in your partner’s emotional well-being.

Pro Tip: Schedule "deep conversations" where the goal isn’t to solve problems, but to connect emotionally. Sometimes, just feeling heard and understood can boost intimacy.

Engage in Regular Texting and Communication

While nothing replaces face-to-face interaction, modern technology provides plenty of ways to stay connected throughout the day. When you're physically apart, texting, voice notes, and video chats become vital tools for maintaining intimacy.

Creative communication tips:

• Flirt through texts: Keep the playful energy alive by sending flirty texts or playful emojis throughout the day. A little flirtation can go a long way in keeping the sexual chemistry strong.

• Send love notes or thoughtful messages: A quick "I love you" text is great, but a thoughtful message about something you admire in your partner can go even further. Let them know how much they mean to you.

• Voice notes and video calls: Texting can feel one-dimensional sometimes. Mix it up with voice notes or video calls to hear your partner’s tone and see their expressions. These small acts of connection can bring back that feeling of being in the same room.

Pro Tip: Set aside time for "uninterrupted" calls or video chats. This allows you to be fully present with each other, without distractions.

Get Creative with Digital Intimacy

Just because you're not physically together doesn't mean you can’t share intimate moments. In fact, technology has given couples new ways to stay connected sexually. Whether it’s through sexting, phone sex, or exploring intimate video calls, there are numerous ways to maintain sexual intimacy across the distance.

Digital intimacy ideas:

• Sexting with intention: Sexting can be a fun way to maintain a sexual connection while apart. But it’s important to approach it with intention and playfulness—don’t just send a generic message, get specific! Share your fantasies, describe what you’re wearing, or recount an intimate memory to stir up desire.

• Phone sex and video chats: Using your voice and visuals can be incredibly powerful in maintaining sexual tension. Schedule a "sexy call" and let your imaginations run wild.

• Mutual masturbation: Another option for couples who want to maintain sexual intimacy is to engage in mutual masturbation while on video calls. It’s a way to stay physically connected without being in the same room.

• Send intimate gifts: Surprise your partner with thoughtful gifts—whether it's a piece of lingerie, a special toy, or something that holds sentimental value. Physical gifts can carry emotional weight, making the distance feel more manageable.

Pro Tip: Create a safe and comfortable environment before engaging in any form of digital intimacy. Make sure you both feel secure and respected in the experience.

Plan Regular Visits or Virtual Date Nights

When distance is a factor, the anticipation of being together again can keep your bond strong. However, it’s important to maintain that excitement by planning regular visits, or even virtual date nights to keep things fresh.

Date ideas for long-distance couples:

• Watch movies together: You can use apps that allow you to sync up streaming services and watch movies or shows at the same time. Then, discuss the plot and characters afterward—just like you would if you were sitting next to each other.

• Cook dinner “together”: Pick a recipe and cook together over video call. You’ll not only create something delicious, but also have the chance to laugh and chat as you prepare it.

• Take virtual vacations: While it’s not the same as being there physically, you can enjoy a virtual vacation together by planning trips or talking about future vacations to build excitement for when you're reunited.

• Schedule visits: Nothing will keep the flame alive like knowing when you’ll be physically together again. Plan regular trips to visit each other and make sure the anticipation keeps the energy between you both vibrant.

Pro Tip: Keep an eye on the future and discuss what life will look like when you’re reunited. Planning for the next time you can be physically together builds hope and strengthens your connection.

Maintain Personal Sexual Wellness

While maintaining intimacy with your partner is important, don’t forget about your own sexual well-being. When apart, it’s easy to neglect your personal needs, but keeping in touch with your own desires will help you stay in tune with your body and feel more connected to your sexual identity.

Personal wellness tips:

• Self-pleasure: Solo sex is a great way to stay in touch with your sexual energy and desires. It helps to keep your sexual health in check and ensures that you don’t feel disconnected from your own body.

• Exercise and body care: Physical activity helps boost energy, mood, and libido. Taking care of your body, whether through yoga, strength training, or even simple stretching, will help you feel better, more energized, and more confident.

• Mindfulness: Mental health is key to sexual well-being. Practicing mindfulness or meditation can keep your mind focused, reduce stress, and improve your overall mood—contributing to better intimacy when you reconnect with your partner.

Pro Tip: Set aside personal time for self-care rituals. When you’re emotionally and physically well, it’ll be easier to show up as your best self for your partner.

Trust and Patience Are Key

Long-distance intimacy requires a high level of trust and patience. It can be easy to feel insecure or frustrated, but remember that distance doesn’t mean your love is any less real. By focusing on communication, mutual respect, and the desire to maintain the connection, you’ll be able to weather any storm together.

TLDR

Maintaining intimacy and sex while apart isn’t always easy, but it is absolutely possible. The key is to stay creative, communicate openly, and prioritize emotional and physical connection, no matter the distance. With modern technology and a strong commitment to each other, you can not only keep your relationship alive but make it even stronger.

So, whether you're sexting, planning future visits, or simply having a nightly video call, remember that the bond you share doesn't depend on proximity—it thrives on trust, communication, and love. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, and with these strategies, it can also make the connection even deeper.

The Top Sexual Health and Wellness Trends for Couples in 2025: Boosting Intimacy, Connection, and Pleasure

As we head into 2025, sexual health and wellness are increasingly seen as integral parts of overall well-being. Couples are becoming more mindful of their intimacy, with a growing emphasis on both physical and emotional connection. Sexual health isn't just about satisfying a physical need—it's also about fostering communication, trust, and exploring new ways to connect with each other.

What Are the Latest Sexual Health and Wellness Trends for Couples?

In this blog, we’ll dive into the latest trends in sexual health and wellness for couples. From mindfulness techniques to high-tech gadgets, there's a lot happening in the world of intimacy. So, let's explore what's making waves in the bedroom (and beyond) for couples in 2025!

Mindfulness and Meditation for Deeper Connection

In a world that's constantly busy, many couples are rediscovering the power of mindfulness to bring a new layer of intimacy to their relationships. Mindfulness isn’t just for stress management—when applied to sexual wellness, it’s a tool that helps partners become more aware of the present moment. It’s about tuning in to the sensations, emotions, and energy shared during intimate moments.

Practices like guided meditation or breathwork can help couples relax, reduce performance anxiety, and shift the focus from "how" to "what"—that is, focusing on the connection instead of worrying about technique or outcomes. This trend aligns with a larger movement toward prioritizing mental and emotional well-being in intimate relationships. Couples who practice mindfulness together often report a more connected, satisfying, and fulfilling sexual experience.

Pro Tip: Try incorporating a 5-minute guided meditation or a simple breathing exercise before being intimate to set a calm, mindful tone.

Sexual Wellness Tech: Gadgets and Apps for Modern Couples

Technology is transforming every aspect of our lives, and sexual wellness is no exception. Sex tech is rapidly evolving, offering couples new ways to enhance their intimacy through wearable gadgets, apps, and even virtual reality.

• Wearable Devices: There are a variety of products on the market now that help couples monitor their sexual health, track arousal, and even create personalized experiences. Devices like smart vibrators or couples' toys synced to mobile apps allow for remote control, whether for long-distance couples or those looking to experiment in the bedroom.

• Sexual Health Apps: Apps that offer personalized tips on improving sexual wellness, tracking libido, and even teaching tantric techniques are gaining traction. These apps often include features like guided sexercises, communication tools to help couples express their desires, and even tips for improving intimacy.

• Virtual Reality (VR) and Augmented Reality (AR): While still in its early stages, VR and AR are beginning to offer new ways for couples to explore intimacy. Imagine using VR to enhance shared sexual experiences, or even creating immersive environments that help couples feel more connected while navigating long-distance relationships.

Pro Tip: Invest in a high-quality couples' toy that syncs with your partner's device. It’s a fun way to create shared experiences, even when you’re not physically together.

Holistic Approaches to Sexual Health

Sexual wellness isn't just about what happens in the bedroom—it’s about what happens in the rest of your life, too. In 2025, more couples are embracing holistic approaches to enhance their sexual health. This trend takes into account the connection between physical, emotional, and mental well-being.

• Herbal Supplements: Natural supplements like maca root, ginseng, and horny goat weed are becoming popular for boosting libido, improving energy, and enhancing sexual satisfaction. These herbs are often combined into supplements aimed at balancing hormones and improving circulation.

• Aromatherapy: Essential oils and aromatherapy are becoming more common in sexual wellness routines. Certain scents, like lavender, ylang-ylang, and sandalwood, are known for their calming and aphrodisiac properties. Aromatherapy can create a relaxing environment, reduce stress, and improve emotional intimacy.

• Nutritional Focus: Many couples are looking at their diets to improve their sexual health. Foods like dark chocolate, avocados, and nuts (like almonds and walnuts) are known for their libido-boosting properties. By focusing on a well-rounded, nutrient-rich diet, couples are learning to support their sexual wellness naturally.

Pro Tip: Try creating an at-home wellness ritual that combines aromatherapy with a natural supplement. It’s a relaxing way to get into the mood and enhance your energy.

Prioritizing Communication Over Performance

In a world filled with unrealistic expectations (thanks, social media), many couples are shifting their focus from "performing" in bed to communicating openly and honestly about their desires, boundaries, and needs.

Gone are the days of assuming your partner knows what you want without saying it. Open dialogue about desires, fantasies, and even discomforts is crucial for building trust and intimacy. Couples are also finding ways to talk about their sexual health more openly, whether it’s discussing contraception, sexual history, or boundaries.

Pro Tip: Regularly check in with your partner about what feels good, what doesn’t, and what both of you might want to try next. This kind of communication is key to deepening your bond and making sex more enjoyable for both parties.

Pleasure Mapping: Exploring New Sensations Together

Forget about the pressure to “perform” or “achieve” something specific. The latest trend in sexual wellness is all about exploring pleasure mapping—a process of learning about your own and your partner’s unique body and its responses.

This trend encourages couples to take a more explorative, non-goal-oriented approach to sex. It’s about discovering new ways of touching, stimulating, and connecting without the pressure of an orgasmic finish. By focusing on pleasure and sensation rather than performance, couples can experience a deeper, more satisfying intimacy.

Couples might experiment with different forms of touch, explore different areas of the body, or try out new techniques (like slow sex or mutual masturbation) to understand what brings pleasure. This process of exploration can make intimacy feel more adventurous and less about fulfilling expectations.

Pro Tip: Set aside a date night where both partners explore new touches, sensations, or positions without the expectation of orgasm. Focus purely on the experience.

Final Thoughts

Sexual health and wellness for couples are moving beyond traditional ideas of intimacy and performance. In 2025, the focus is on holistic well-being, mindfulness, open communication, and using technology to enhance connection rather than replace it.

Whether you're experimenting with tech gadgets, embracing new wellness practices, or learning how to communicate more openly, the key is to stay present, authentic, and engaged with your partner. As we move forward, one thing is clear: a healthy sexual relationship is about much more than just sex. It’s about connection, trust, and mutual growth.

Explore these trends with your partner and see how you can both grow together—emotionally, mentally, and physically. The future of intimacy is exciting, and it’s all about creating deeper connections and fostering wellness in all aspects of your relationship.

Want more tips on sexual health and wellness for couples? Stay tuned for more articles, or explore our resources to improve your intimacy journey today!