The 10 Sex Questions Everyone’s Googling in 2025 (And How to Actually Answer Them)

The 10 Sex Questions Everyone’s Googling in 2025 (And How to Actually Answer Them)

Sex in 2025 looks different than it did a decade ago. People are searching online for answers to questions they’re too embarrassed, or curious, to ask out loud. From libido struggles to fantasies that feel taboo, these are the sex questions everyone is Googling.

As relationship and sex therapists, we’ve seen how common these concerns are, and how much relief comes from getting clear, honest answers. Here’s the scoop on the 10 most-searched questions about sex and intimacy and how to actually address them.

1. How Do I Have Sex? (Yes, People Still Ask This)

It may seem basic, but “How to have sex?” continues to be the top-searched sex question in 2025. Many people, especially younger adults or those entering new relationships, want guidance on technique, communication, and comfort.

The answer: There’s no one “right” way. Start by focusing on consent, connection, and curiosity. Exploring your body and your partner’s preferences, discussing boundaries, and prioritizing pleasure over performance can make sex more enjoyable for everyone.

2. Why Do I Bleed After Sex?

Bleeding can be scary, and it’s a common reason people search online. Causes range from minor issues like vaginal dryness or minor irritation to medical conditions such as cervical polyps or infections.

The answer: Always rule out medical causes first with a healthcare provider. If no medical issue is found, a sex therapist can help you address emotional factors like anxiety, tension, or discomfort that may be contributing to painful sex.

3. Is Masturbation Normal?

Despite being one of the most natural sexual activities, masturbation still triggers guilt or curiosity.

The answer: Yes, masturbation is normal, healthy, and even beneficial. It helps you understand your body, relieve stress, and enhance sexual confidence. If it feels compulsive or interferes with daily life, a therapist can help you find balance.

4. What Is Autosexuality?

Autosexuality is a term for individuals who experience sexual attraction primarily to themselves. It emphasizes self-love, exploration, and pleasure.

The answer: Autosexuality is a valid orientation. Embracing it can improve self-esteem and intimacy. If you’re exploring this identity, a sex therapist provides a safe, judgment-free space for understanding your desires and boundaries.

5. How Long Should Sex REALLY Last?

Many people worry they’re “too fast” or “too slow” in bed.

The answer: There’s no magic number. Sexual satisfaction is about mutual enjoyment, not minutes on a timer. Communicate openly with your partner about preferences, and explore what brings both of you pleasure rather than focusing on duration.

6. Is It Normal to Experience Pain During Sex?

Painful sex, or dyspareunia, is more common than people think. It can stem from physical issues like infections, hormonal changes, or pelvic floor tension, as well as emotional stress or trauma.

The answer: Seek medical guidance first. Then, consider therapy to work through any emotional blocks or anxiety. Together, these approaches can help make sexual experiences comfortable and enjoyable again.

7. What Is “Shallowing” in Sexual Activity?

“Shallowing” refers to light stimulation at the vaginal opening without deep penetration. It’s popular for people exploring different forms of intimacy or prioritizing external stimulation.

The answer: Shallowing can be deeply pleasurable and is a valid form of sexual expression. Experimenting with different types of touch can expand intimacy and enjoyment.

8. Low Libido? How to Turn the Heat Back On

A drop in sexual desire is normal across the lifespan. Stress, hormones, life transitions, and relationship dynamics all play a role.

The answer: Boost libido by addressing physical health, emotional wellbeing, and relational connection. Communication with your partner is key. A Chicago sex therapist can help identify underlying factors and create practical strategies to reignite desire.

9. What Is Ethical Non-Monogamy?

More people are curious about consensual non-monogamy (CNM), polyamory, or open relationships—but fear the emotional complexity.

The answer: CNM can be fulfilling if approached intentionally. Clear boundaries, ongoing communication, and emotional honesty are essential. Therapy can guide couples through jealousy, compersion, and navigating multiple partnerships safely.

10. How Do I Talk to My Partner About Sexual Desires?

Many people fear judgment or rejection when discussing fantasies or desires.

The answer: Approach conversations with empathy and curiosity. Use “I” statements, focus on what excites you rather than demands, and prioritize listening. A therapist can provide strategies to make these discussions easier and more productive.

Why People Turn to a Chicago Sex Therapist

Curiosity alone isn’t a problem; it’s a doorway to better sexual health. Working with a sex therapist helps you:

• Navigate awkward or uncomfortable questions.

• Address performance anxiety, low libido, or intimacy gaps.

• Explore fantasies and sexual identity safely.

• Improve communication with partners.

• Reduce shame and increase pleasure.

At Embrace Sexual Wellness we provide a safe, judgment-free space to answer these questions and guide you toward a more satisfying sexual life. Book your free consult here to get started!

TLDR

The questions people are Googling about sex in 2025 reveal curiosity, uncertainty, and a desire for connection. Whether it’s learning how to talk about fantasies, addressing painful sex, exploring CNM, or simply understanding masturbation and libido, getting clear, professional guidance can transform your sexual experiences.

You’re not alone in these questions and the answers are out there. Sometimes, the best way to get them is with a certified sex therapist who can provide personalized insight, support, and strategies for sexual and relational wellbeing.

What to Know Before Opening Up Your Relationship: A Guide to Consensual Non-Monogamy

Curiosity about consensual non-monogamy (CNM), sometimes called “open relationships,” “swinging,” or “polyamory” has grown significantly in recent years. Many couples ask themselves: Could this work for us?

As Chicago relationship and sex therapists, we often work with couples exploring CNM for the first time. Some are motivated by adventure, while others seek new ways to deepen honesty and intimacy. Opening a relationship requires intentional planning, self-reflection, and clear communication. Here’s what you should know, and how therapy can help.

What is Consensual Non-Monogamy (CNM)?

Consensual non-monogamy refers to relationships in which all partners agree that romantic or sexual connections outside the primary partnership are allowed. Consensual non-monogamy can take many forms, each with its own set of dynamics, boundaries, and emotional considerations. Common types include:

• Open Relationships: Partners maintain a primary emotional bond but may engage sexually with others outside the relationship.

• Polyamory: Emotional or romantic relationships with multiple partners are permitted, with the consent of everyone involved. This can range from hierarchical structures (primary and secondary partners) to more egalitarian networks of relationships.

• Swinging: Couples engage in sexual activities with others, often socially or in organized events, usually without forming romantic attachments.

• Relationship Anarchy: Individuals form relationships based on personal preference rather than predefined labels or hierarchy. Agreements are flexible and based on mutual consent.

• Solo Polyamory: Individuals have multiple romantic or sexual relationships without a primary partnership, prioritizing independence and autonomy.

• Hierarchical vs. Non-Hierarchical Polyamory: Some polyamorous arrangements include a “primary” partnership with secondary relationships, while others treat all partners equally, depending on each couple’s values and needs.

• Hybrid or Custom CNM Structures: Many couples develop personalized agreements that blend different CNM models to fit their unique needs, such as limited sexual exploration outside the relationship or emotional openness without sexual involvement.

Each type of CNM comes with different emotional and logistical considerations. Understanding which structure aligns with your values, comfort level, and relationship goals is a crucial first step.

Why Couples Explore CNM

People explore CNM for different reasons: to expand sexual experiences, test personal or relational boundaries, or increase honesty and intimacy in the relationship. Each couple’s agreements and structure may be unique, so understanding your motivations before starting is crucial.

Key Considerations Before Opening Your Relationship

Understanding Your Motivations

Ask yourselves why you want to explore CNM. Are you looking to:

• Explore sexual variety?

• Deepen emotional intimacy?

• Challenge personal or relational limits?

Being clear about your intentions can prevent misunderstandings and hurt feelings later.

Preparing for Jealousy and Emotional Responses

Jealousy is common, even in consensual non-monogamy. Anticipating and discussing it before it arises makes it more manageable. Consider:

• What triggers feelings of insecurity?

• How do you typically respond to jealousy?

• What support do you need from your partner when jealous feelings arise?

Cultivating Compersion

Compersion, feeling joy when your partner experiences pleasure with someone else, is a skill that can grow with practice. Start by noticing moments when your partner enjoys intimacy with others and consciously acknowledging those moments without judgment.

Communication Strategies for Open Relationships

Clear, ongoing communication is essential. Topics to discuss include:

• Boundaries: What is allowed and what isn’t?

• Frequency: How often will external relationships occur?

• Disclosure: How much will you share about outside partners?

• Safe sex: How will you protect yourself and each other?

Setting Agreements

Every CNM relationship benefits from clear boundaries. Some examples:

• Only engaging sexually while using barrier methods.

• Not introducing external partners to your home or children.

• Limits on time spent with other partners.

These agreements create structure and safety, not restrictions. They are flexible and can evolve with time.

Who Consensual Non-Monogamy May Not Be For

While CNM can be fulfilling for some couples, it’s not a solution for every relationship. Certain circumstances or personality traits may make non-monogamy more challenging or even harmful. CNM may not be a good fit if:

• You have unresolved trust issues: If trust is fragile or past betrayals haven’t been processed, adding external partners can intensify anxiety and conflict.

• You struggle with jealousy management: Feeling intense or frequent jealousy without the tools to process it can create distress rather than growth.

• You or your partner are exploring CNM as a “fix”: Using non-monogamy to solve ongoing relationship problems, like low desire, poor communication, or emotional distance, usually leads to disappointment rather than resolution.

• You have incompatible values: If one partner is opposed to CNM or has strong beliefs that make participation emotionally unsafe, it can undermine the relationship.

• You’re not ready for ongoing communication: CNM requires continuous, honest conversations about boundaries, desires, and emotional responses. Without willingness to engage in these discussions, the experience can be destabilizing.

A sex and relationship therapist can help you explore whether CNM aligns with your values, readiness, and relationship goals. At Embrace Sexual Wellness, we provide guidance to ensure that couples make informed, intentional choices about opening their relationship.

How a Sex Therapist Can Help Before Opening Up

Clarifying Intentions and Goals

A therapist can help each partner explore their motivations, values, and expectations for CNM, ensuring that the choice aligns with both individual and relational goals.

Preparing for Emotional Challenges

Therapy provides tools to anticipate and manage jealousy, anxiety, or unexpected emotional responses that may arise in non-monogamous arrangements.

Improving Communication Skills

Couples learn strategies for expressing needs, negotiating boundaries, and discussing feelings in ways that promote trust and intimacy rather than conflict.

Providing a Safe, Neutral Space

CNM conversations can bring up intense emotions. A relationship therapist offers a neutral, supportive space to explore desires, fears, and boundaries without judgment.

Practical Steps to Start Exploring CNM

Self-Reflection Exercises

Take time individually to explore your comfort levels, emotional triggers, and desires. Journaling or therapy sessions can provide clarity.

Setting Clear Agreements with Your Partner

Write down boundaries, rules, and expectations together. Revisit them regularly as feelings and needs change.

Starting Small and Low-Risk

Begin with low-risk experiences, such as discussing fantasies or attending social events without sexual involvement, before diving into sexual encounters.

Regular Check-Ins and Adjustments

Frequent check-ins allow each partner to express feelings, renegotiate boundaries, and make adjustments to agreements as necessary.

Recommended Resources

Educating yourself through books, podcasts, and communities can help normalize experiences and provide guidance:

• The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy

• Opening Up by Tristan Taormino

Common Questions About CNM

Is Jealousy a Sign CNM Isn’t Right for Me?

Not necessarily. Jealousy is a natural emotion. What matters is whether you can process it constructively, discuss it openly, and support each other through it.

How Can I Practice Compersion?

Start small. Notice your partner’s joy with others and acknowledge it without judgment. With practice, this can grow into genuine feelings of happiness for your partner’s experiences.

What If My Partner Wants CNM but I Don’t?

Differing desires are common. Therapy can help explore feelings, negotiate boundaries, and determine whether CNM is compatible with your relationship.

TLDR

Consensual non-monogamy can be fulfilling for some couples, but it requires preparation, self-awareness, and communication. Working with a sex therapist can provide guidance through jealousy, compersion, boundaries, and emotional challenges, ensuring that your relationship remains strong and connected.

If you and your partner are considering CNM or are navigating challenges in an open relationship, therapy at Embrace Sexual Wellness offers a safe, nonjudgmental space to explore desires, set boundaries, and build emotional resilience.

Is Sexual Fantasy Healthy? How to Use Fantasies to Boost Desire and Intimacy

As a Chicago sex therapist, one of the most common questions I hear is: “Is it okay to fantasize?” This question often comes with a mix of curiosity, shame, and worry. For some people, fantasies come easily. For others, fantasizing feels foreign, awkward, or even off-limits.

The reality is that sexual fantasy is a completely normal and healthy part of sexuality. Whether you’re single, in a long-term relationship, or exploring intimacy after a change in life stage, fantasy can play an important role in reconnecting with desire and pleasure.

In this article, we’ll explore why sexual fantasies matter, how they can benefit your intimacy, and practical ways to start fantasizing if it doesn’t come naturally to you.

What Is a Sexual Fantasy?

A sexual fantasy is simply a thought, image, or scenario that creates erotic excitement. Fantasies can range from imagining a romantic, sensual moment with a partner to envisioning scenarios that you would never act out in real life.

Importantly, fantasies are not the same as real-life desires. Many people fantasize about situations they would never want to pursue outside of their imagination. This is one reason why fantasies can be so freeing: they’re a mental space to play, without consequences.

Why Do People Fantasize?

Research shows that nearly everyone has sexual fantasies, regardless of gender, age, or relationship status. Fantasies serve many purposes, including:

• Stimulating arousal: Fantasies can help the body respond when desire feels low.

• Reducing anxiety: Focusing on an erotic image or story can quiet distracting thoughts that interfere with sexual pleasure.

• Exploring identity: Fantasies allow people to try on different roles or explore aspects of themselves in a safe way.

• Enhancing partnered intimacy: When shared (with consent and comfort), fantasies can spark new conversations and closeness in relationships.

The Benefits of Fantasy for Your Sexual Health

For many of our clients, fantasy becomes a tool for healing and growth. Here are some of the benefits we often explore in sex therapy:

Reducing Performance Pressure

If you struggle with anxiety during sex, fantasies can help you shift focus away from “Am I doing this right?” toward erotic imagery that feels exciting. This mental shift can make it easier to stay present and experience pleasure.

Boosting Sexual Desire

Fantasies can reignite interest when desire feels flat. They work like a spark for your erotic imagination, offering new ideas and sensations that the body can respond to. This can be especially helpful for couples navigating loss of intimacy or low libido.

Enhancing Partner Connection

While not all fantasies need to be shared, some couples find that talking about them creates intimacy and trust. Even if you never act out the fantasy, sharing it can help you and your partner better understand each other’s inner worlds.

Healing from Shame and Dysfunction

For those dealing with sexual dysfunction, trauma, or shame, fantasy can be a safe entry point into sexual exploration. Imagining a pleasurable scenario provides a sense of control that real-life intimacy sometimes lacks.

How to Start Fantasizing

Not everyone finds fantasizing easy. Some people worry they “don’t have an imagination,” while others feel blocked by shame or religious or cultural beliefs. If that’s you, here are some steps to begin experimenting with fantasy:

1. Start with Memory

Think back to a time when you felt desired, attractive, or deeply connected. Replay that memory in your mind and allow it to expand into a new imagined scenario.

2. Use Your Senses

Fantasies don’t need to be cinematic. Start by imagining touch, sound, or smell that excites you. For example, the warmth of skin, the sound of breath, or the scent of your partner’s cologne.

3. Try Erotic Media

Erotic short stories, romance novels, or audio erotica can help spark ideas when your own imagination feels blank. Reading or listening can lower the pressure of “making up” something yourself.

4. Focus on Themes, Not Scripts

Instead of creating a detailed storyline, think about a theme that excites you, like adventure, seduction, or tenderness. Let the details fill themselves in naturally.

5. Release Judgment

Fantasies often don’t align with real-life desires, values, or behaviors. That doesn’t make them wrong. Your imagination is a safe place to explore, with no rules.

Common Questions About Fantasy

Is it normal to fantasize about things I don’t want in real life?

Yes. Most people fantasize about scenarios they wouldn’t act on. Fantasy is symbolic and exploratory, not a blueprint for your actual choices.

What if I can’t fantasize at all?

This is more common than you think. Sometimes, anxiety, depression, or trauma makes fantasizing difficult. Working with a sex therapist can help you explore these blocks in a supportive way.

Will sharing fantasies with my partner hurt our relationship?

It depends on how you share them. Approach the conversation with curiosity, not pressure. If your partner isn’t interested in hearing or acting on a fantasy, that’s okay. Talking about fantasies is about connection, not performance.

When to Seek Support

If fantasizing brings up guilt, shame, or confusion, or if you find yourself unable to access fantasies at all, therapy may be a helpful step. At Embrace Sexual Wellness, we help individuals and couples explore fantasies, reconnect with intimacy, and work through concerns like low libido, sexual dysfunction, and loss of desire. You can read more about our work with erectile dysfunction and loss of intimacy, both of which can benefit from integrating fantasy as part of treatment.

TLDR

Sexual fantasy is a natural, healthy part of human sexuality. It can reduce anxiety, boost desire, and bring new energy into your intimate life. Whether you’re imagining something tender or something bold, fantasies offer a private, safe space for pleasure and exploration.

If you’re ready to explore your erotic imagination but aren’t sure where to begin, remember: fantasy is a skill you can practice. And if you need support along the way, our team of Chicago sex therapists at Embrace Sexual Wellness is here to help and are licensed to practice in Illinois, Indiana, Kansas, Idaho and Louisiana.