How to Keep Intimacy Alive During the Holiday Season: Tips from a Chicago Sex Therapist
The holidays are supposed to be a time of joy, connection, and celebration, but for many couples, they can also bring stress, exhaustion, and a sense of disconnection. Between family obligations, work deadlines, holiday travel, and crowded social calendars, intimacy often gets pushed to the back burner. Suddenly, sex and closeness feel like just another item on an already overwhelming to-do list.
Our team of Chicago sex therapists work with couples every year who tell us, “We love each other, but the holidays make it hard to feel connected.” The good news? Feeling close and intimate during the holiday season is entirely possible with a little intentionality and creativity. In this post, I’ll share practical ways couples can maintain emotional and physical connection, reduce stress around sex, and keep the spark alive even amidst the holiday chaos.
Why Intimacy Can Decline During the Holidays
First, let’s normalize what many couples experience: a drop in intimacy during the holidays is extremely common. There are several reasons this happens:
Stress and fatigue: Long to-do lists, work deadlines, and family gatherings can leave little energy for each other.
Disrupted routines: Travel, time away from home, and unpredictable schedules can interfere with usual couple routines.
Emotional overwhelm: Holidays can bring up unresolved family tension or financial stress, which often seeps into the relationship.
When life feels like a series of obligations, it’s easy for emotional and physical closeness to take a back seat. Many couples in Chicago come to me worried that their connection is fading, but with some conscious effort, these challenges can be turned into opportunities for growth and closeness.
Prioritizing Emotional Connection First
Before we talk about sex, let’s focus on emotional intimacy. It’s the foundation for any satisfying physical connection. Even small moments of emotional closeness can make a huge difference:
Daily check-ins: Take 5–10 minutes each day to ask your partner how they’re feeling and share a little of your own emotional world.
Small acts of affection: Hold hands while walking, hug in the morning, or cuddle during a holiday movie.
Share the load: Discuss holiday stress together and make joint plans to manage obligations, which fosters teamwork.
We often remind couples that emotional intimacy fuels desire. When partners feel emotionally connected, physical closeness naturally follows.
Planning Physical Intimacy Around a Busy Schedule
Let’s be real: holiday calendars are packed. That doesn’t mean physical intimacy has to disappear. Being intentional about connection can make all the difference:
Schedule date nights: Even if it’s just a cozy evening at home after the kids go to bed, having dedicated couple time helps.
Micro-moments of touch: Hand-holding while wrapping gifts or a brief massage while cooking can sustain closeness.
Communicate openly: Let your partner know your needs and listen to theirs without judgment or expectation.
Couples often tell us they feel guilty “stealing time” for themselves during the holidays. Sometimes guilt can arise in familiar moments when we haven’t done anything wrong yet it feels confusing. Taking time to prioritize intimacy as a way to recharge emotional energy for both partners is a gift in itself.
Overcoming Stress-Related Challenges to Desire
It’s no surprise that stress can quietly take a toll on sexual desire. When you’re tired, anxious, or mentally overloaded, even thinking about sex can feel like too much. There are some practical ways couples can work around these stress-related blocks:
Mindful moments together: Spending just a few minutes focusing on your breathing or being fully present with each other can help melt away tension and create connection.
Gentle touch exercises: Techniques like sensate focus encourage partners to explore touch without worrying about performance or orgasm, making intimacy feel safe and enjoyable again.
Protect your time: Say no to certain obligations or events so you can carve out meaningful moments together. You’ll thank yourself later and be glad you did.
When couples shift the focus from “getting it right” to simply connecting, closeness and pleasure often return naturally.
Creative Ways to Keep Intimacy Fun During the Holidays
Holiday stress doesn’t have to extinguish the spark. Adding playful, light-hearted rituals can help couples stay connected:
Create a romantic mini-tradition: Morning coffee together, exchanging sweet notes, or a short evening walk can reinforce closeness.
Play sensual touch games: Even simple massages, hand-holding while dancing, or playful teasing in private helps maintain desire.
Explore a shared couple bucket list: Create a list of small, intimate experiences you can enjoy together over the holidays.
These strategies don’t require extra time or energy, just a willingness to be present and playful. As relationship and sex therapists, we often see couples rediscover their spark through these creative, low-pressure rituals.
When to Seek Support from a Sex Therapist
While holiday intimacy challenges are normal, some couples may need additional support. Consider reaching out to a certified sex therapist if you notice any of the following:
Emotional disconnection persists despite effort
Sexual desire or satisfaction is low, or arguments about intimacy are frequent
Stress and burnout are affecting your ability to connect as a couple
Sex therapy provides a safe, supportive space to explore challenges, improve communication, and develop strategies tailored to your relationship. With guidance, couples can navigate holiday pressures without sacrificing intimacy.
TLDR
Intimacy doesn’t have to take a backseat during the holiday season. By prioritizing emotional closeness, planning physical connection, managing stress, and embracing playful rituals, couples can maintain and even deepen their bond.
If you and your partner are struggling to feel close during the holidays, you’re not alone. If you’re local to Illinois or Chicago, working with our team of sex therapists can provide guidance, support, and practical tools to keep your connection strong and your intimacy thriving even in the busiest time of year.
Remember, the holiday season isn’t just about gifts and obligations. It’s an opportunity to nurture love, connection, and joy both inside and outside the bedroom.
