What is betrayal trauma?
Betrayal trauma is a type of trauma that can occur from a breach of trust in a relationship and is often accompanied by significant psychological distress.
In 1991, Jenny Freyd identified the term Betrayal Trauma to describe these symptoms. Betrayal trauma theory posits that when a betrayal happens in an important relationship, it can cause long-term symptoms of trauma.
Betrayal trauma can arise from dishonesty, disclosure of confidential personal information, disloyalty, and infidelity. Some examples of betrayal trauma include:
Discovering a sexual or an emotional affair
Secretive compulsive sexual behavior
Financial exploitation
Uncovering emotional, sexual, or physical abuse
Betrayal trauma can occur between romantic partners, interpersonal relationships, parental relationships and in professional relationships. A person experiencing betrayal trauma may experience depression, anxiety, denial, shock or obsession. Post-traumatic stress after a betrayal happens because a person’s attachment to the other person in their relationship is threatened. It is common for survivors to feel a high degree of uncertainty about the future, experience hyper-vigilance around others, increased worry.
Symptoms of Betrayal Trauma
Anger
Anxiety
Avoiding sex with your partner who betrayed you
Body aches + pains
Broken trust
Confusion about yourself + your relationship
Decreased interest in sex
Depression
fear of abandonment
fear of seeing the person who betrayed you
feeling unsafe sexually
Flashbacks or intrusive thoughts about sex
Guilt
increased heart rate
increased worry about the future
increased worry about commitment
Increased worry about discovering sti’s or pregnancy
Irritable bowel
Intrusive thoughts about the betrayal
loss of appetite
Loss of faith
low self-esteem + self-worth
Panic attacks
questioning life choices
Can My Relationship Recover From Infidelity?
Research estimates the prevalence of infidelity in American marriages ranges from 20-40% and the success rate of relationship therapy in cases of infidelity vary based on many factors; studies suggest couples who are actively engaged in therapy after an affair find it to be beneficial in helping improve trust and connection in their relationship. A relationship therapist can help individuals understand their response to their partner's affair, work towards forgiving, letting go, or moving on. Therapists also help clients deal with emotional distress and physical reactivity after exposure to triggers, betrayal blindness, negative thoughts about self or others, negative affect, irritability or aggression, destructive behavior, and a heightened startle reaction, which can occur from betrayal trauma.
Relationship therapy can help partners learn about their needs and relationship goals, build transparency, explore what may have led to the betrayal and also help couples understand how to rebuild trust, reestablish connection and sexual intimacy. In our experience, affair recovery tends to be most successful when partners begin therapy early on with the help of a trained relationship therapist.
How do I begin betrayal trauma recovery?
You may feel angry or resentful about seeking therapy to cope with the crisis of betrayal trauma, which is understandable. Beginning therapy is an investment in your own health and wellbeing. Whether you are starting therapy alone or with a partner, reaching out for support can help you gain clarity and learn skills to heal from infidelity.
If you are ready to begin trauma recovery, the team at Embrace Sexual Wellness can help. For more information on how Embrace Sexual Wellness can help with betrayal trauma, feel free to request a free 10-minute phone consultation. A clinician will be able to answer any questions and help you get started.
