How to Keep Intimacy Alive During the Holiday Season: Tips from a Chicago Sex Therapist

How to Keep Intimacy Alive During the Holiday Season: Tips from a Chicago Sex Therapist

The holidays are supposed to be a time of joy, connection, and celebration, but for many couples, they can also bring stress, exhaustion, and a sense of disconnection. Between family obligations, work deadlines, holiday travel, and crowded social calendars, intimacy often gets pushed to the back burner. Suddenly, sex and closeness feel like just another item on an already overwhelming to-do list.

Our team of Chicago sex therapists work with couples every year who tell us, “We love each other, but the holidays make it hard to feel connected.” The good news? Feeling close and intimate during the holiday season is entirely possible with a little intentionality and creativity. In this post, I’ll share practical ways couples can maintain emotional and physical connection, reduce stress around sex, and keep the spark alive even amidst the holiday chaos.

Why Intimacy Can Decline During the Holidays

First, let’s normalize what many couples experience: a drop in intimacy during the holidays is extremely common. There are several reasons this happens:

Stress and fatigue: Long to-do lists, work deadlines, and family gatherings can leave little energy for each other.

Disrupted routines: Travel, time away from home, and unpredictable schedules can interfere with usual couple routines.

Emotional overwhelm: Holidays can bring up unresolved family tension or financial stress, which often seeps into the relationship.

When life feels like a series of obligations, it’s easy for emotional and physical closeness to take a back seat. Many couples in Chicago come to me worried that their connection is fading, but with some conscious effort, these challenges can be turned into opportunities for growth and closeness.

Prioritizing Emotional Connection First

Before we talk about sex, let’s focus on emotional intimacy. It’s the foundation for any satisfying physical connection. Even small moments of emotional closeness can make a huge difference:

Daily check-ins: Take 5–10 minutes each day to ask your partner how they’re feeling and share a little of your own emotional world.

Small acts of affection: Hold hands while walking, hug in the morning, or cuddle during a holiday movie.

Share the load: Discuss holiday stress together and make joint plans to manage obligations, which fosters teamwork.

We often remind couples that emotional intimacy fuels desire. When partners feel emotionally connected, physical closeness naturally follows.

Planning Physical Intimacy Around a Busy Schedule

Let’s be real: holiday calendars are packed. That doesn’t mean physical intimacy has to disappear. Being intentional about connection can make all the difference:

Schedule date nights: Even if it’s just a cozy evening at home after the kids go to bed, having dedicated couple time helps.

Micro-moments of touch: Hand-holding while wrapping gifts or a brief massage while cooking can sustain closeness.

Communicate openly: Let your partner know your needs and listen to theirs without judgment or expectation.

Couples often tell us they feel guilty “stealing time” for themselves during the holidays. Sometimes guilt can arise in familiar moments when we haven’t done anything wrong yet it feels confusing. Taking time to prioritize intimacy as a way to recharge emotional energy for both partners is a gift in itself.

Overcoming Stress-Related Challenges to Desire

It’s no surprise that stress can quietly take a toll on sexual desire. When you’re tired, anxious, or mentally overloaded, even thinking about sex can feel like too much. There are some practical ways couples can work around these stress-related blocks:

Mindful moments together: Spending just a few minutes focusing on your breathing or being fully present with each other can help melt away tension and create connection.

Gentle touch exercises: Techniques like sensate focus encourage partners to explore touch without worrying about performance or orgasm, making intimacy feel safe and enjoyable again.

Protect your time: Say no to certain obligations or events so you can carve out meaningful moments together. You’ll thank yourself later and be glad you did.

When couples shift the focus from “getting it right” to simply connecting, closeness and pleasure often return naturally.

Creative Ways to Keep Intimacy Fun During the Holidays

Holiday stress doesn’t have to extinguish the spark. Adding playful, light-hearted rituals can help couples stay connected:

Create a romantic mini-tradition: Morning coffee together, exchanging sweet notes, or a short evening walk can reinforce closeness.

Play sensual touch games: Even simple massages, hand-holding while dancing, or playful teasing in private helps maintain desire.

Explore a shared couple bucket list: Create a list of small, intimate experiences you can enjoy together over the holidays.

These strategies don’t require extra time or energy, just a willingness to be present and playful. As relationship and sex therapists, we often see couples rediscover their spark through these creative, low-pressure rituals.

When to Seek Support from a Sex Therapist

While holiday intimacy challenges are normal, some couples may need additional support. Consider reaching out to a certified sex therapist if you notice any of the following:

• Emotional disconnection persists despite effort

• Sexual desire or satisfaction is low, or arguments about intimacy are frequent

• Stress and burnout are affecting your ability to connect as a couple

Sex therapy provides a safe, supportive space to explore challenges, improve communication, and develop strategies tailored to your relationship. With guidance, couples can navigate holiday pressures without sacrificing intimacy.

TLDR

Intimacy doesn’t have to take a backseat during the holiday season. By prioritizing emotional closeness, planning physical connection, managing stress, and embracing playful rituals, couples can maintain and even deepen their bond.

If you and your partner are struggling to feel close during the holidays, you’re not alone. If you’re local to Illinois or Chicago, working with our team of sex therapists can provide guidance, support, and practical tools to keep your connection strong and your intimacy thriving even in the busiest time of year.

Remember, the holiday season isn’t just about gifts and obligations. It’s an opportunity to nurture love, connection, and joy both inside and outside the bedroom.

Can a Chicago Couples Therapist Really Save My Relationship?

Can a Chicago Couples Therapist Really Save My Relationship?

Many couples who come to therapy in Chicago ask themselves if therapy can actually turn things around or if it’s “too late.” 

While it’s not a couples therapist’s job to decide if a relationship is over, we can definitely help you determine your next steps, and guide you through a process of strengthening communication or repairing trust.

Remember, relationship struggles are common, not a sign of failure. 

In fact, many couples we work with in therapy are smart, independent people who love their partner and are feeling stuck trying to improve their relationship. 

A Chicago couples therapist can’t “magically” fix everything, but therapy provides proven tools to rebuild trust, intimacy, and communication. In this blog, we will explore what couples therapy is, how it works, and whether it can save your relationship.

What Does a Couples Therapist in Chicago Actually Do?

Couples therapy is a safe, structured space to explore challenges. A couples therapist will help track patterns, try to introduce new skills and create space to validate and challenge each partner.

Going to relationship therapy is different from individual therapy because the focus is on the relationship and not on one person entirely. Couples therapists often use evidence-based approaches such as Emotionally Focused Therapy, Gottman Method, and CBT to guide the process.

Can Couples Therapy Really Save a Relationship?

Saving a relationship does not just mean preventing a breakup, but fostering healthier connection. Therapy can be transformational for couples who are stuck in unhelpful patterns and unsure where or what to do next.

A great deal of success in therapy depends on each partners’ willingness to engage both inside and outside the therapy room. Therapists may give homework assignments or introduce skills for couples to practice outside of session. Couples who engage in their homework outside of session tend to experience more progress than those who do not.

Therapy can lead to stronger relationships or it may lead to a healthier decision to part ways.

Signs You and Your Partner Might Benefit from Seeing a Chicago Couples Therapist

You may benefit from relationship therapy if you and your partner are experiencing:

• Constant fighting or silent distance

• Lack of intimacy or sex

• Betrayal or broken trust

• Big life transitions (kids, career changes, moving)

• Feeling more like roommates than partners

It’s important to remember that seeking help early prevents deeper rifts. Couples who are more proactive and go to therapy sooner generally experience greater progress than those who wait until the problem has festered for a long time.

What Happens in a Typical Couples Therapy Session?

The first few therapy sessions are usually focused on assessment and history. This is also an opportunity to decipher if your therapist is a good fit for you.

As you proceed in the work, you might work on practicing new communication skills, exploring emotional needs, repairing ruptures.

Remember, couples therapists are guides, not referees. They are not meant to be a judge and take sides. 

It’s also reasonable to expect homework between sessions. This helps couples stay accountable to their goals and work on improving outside of therapy.

It’s normal to feel some discomfort during therapy, especially early on. This is usually a sign of growth.

How to Choose the Right Chicago Couples Therapist for You

First, look for credentials for example a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and  Certified Sex Therapist if intimacy issues are central. Not all mental health therapists are trained to work with couples or to support clients with intimacy concerns, so it’s a wise idea to ask them about their training before getting started. 

Consider the provider’s specialization such as infidelity, sex therapy, parenting, trauma, or neurodivergence. 

Remember, finding a therapist that is a good fit is super important. Therapy is more effective when both partners feel comfortable. It might not feel super easy at first, but it will get better in time. 

Consider the practical features such as location (downtown vs suburbs), telehealth options, and insurance/fees. Many experienced couples therapists are out of network or do not take insurance, but they may provide you with a statement (a superbill) that you can submit to your health insurance provider for reimbursement. 

The Limitations of Couples Therapy

Therapy isn’t about “fixing” one partner, it’s about growing as a team. Most couples therapists consider the relationship as their client. 

Couples therapy won’t work if one partner is unwilling or dishonest. It’s also not recommended for partners who are actively involved in domestic violence or are experiencing ongoing trauma.

Therapy can take time. Some people will go for 10-20 sessions over the course of three to six months to really see a benefit. It’s best to talk with your therapist about how they approach therapy and what the expected duration will be.

Occasionally therapy leads partners to discover that ending their relationship is the healthiest decision. 

What Success in Couples Therapy Looks Like

Success in couples therapy will vary based on your specific goals. Common ways you’ll know therapy is working may include:

• Better communication and conflict management

• Renewed emotional and sexual intimacy

• Stronger teamwork for shared goals

• Feeling seen and understood, even if you don’t agree on everything

TLDR

Couples therapy isn’t a quick fix, but it offers real hope. Many partners feel tremendous relief even after the first session because they finally have a space to hold them accountable to their goals.

A Chicago couples therapist can guide you toward healing, growth, and clarity, whether that means saving your relationship or redefining it. You can choose what you want to work on in therapy and make the experience specific to your relationship.

If you’re interested in strengthening your relationship, reach out to a Chicago couples therapist at Embrace Sexual Wellness to explore how therapy can help. 

The 10 Sex Questions Everyone’s Googling in 2025 (And How to Actually Answer Them)

The 10 Sex Questions Everyone’s Googling in 2025 (And How to Actually Answer Them)

Sex in 2025 looks different than it did a decade ago. People are searching online for answers to questions they’re too embarrassed, or curious, to ask out loud. From libido struggles to fantasies that feel taboo, these are the sex questions everyone is Googling.

As relationship and sex therapists, we’ve seen how common these concerns are, and how much relief comes from getting clear, honest answers. Here’s the scoop on the 10 most-searched questions about sex and intimacy and how to actually address them.

1. How Do I Have Sex? (Yes, People Still Ask This)

It may seem basic, but “How to have sex?” continues to be the top-searched sex question in 2025. Many people, especially younger adults or those entering new relationships, want guidance on technique, communication, and comfort.

The answer: There’s no one “right” way. Start by focusing on consent, connection, and curiosity. Exploring your body and your partner’s preferences, discussing boundaries, and prioritizing pleasure over performance can make sex more enjoyable for everyone.

2. Why Do I Bleed After Sex?

Bleeding can be scary, and it’s a common reason people search online. Causes range from minor issues like vaginal dryness or minor irritation to medical conditions such as cervical polyps or infections.

The answer: Always rule out medical causes first with a healthcare provider. If no medical issue is found, a sex therapist can help you address emotional factors like anxiety, tension, or discomfort that may be contributing to painful sex.

3. Is Masturbation Normal?

Despite being one of the most natural sexual activities, masturbation still triggers guilt or curiosity.

The answer: Yes, masturbation is normal, healthy, and even beneficial. It helps you understand your body, relieve stress, and enhance sexual confidence. If it feels compulsive or interferes with daily life, a therapist can help you find balance.

4. What Is Autosexuality?

Autosexuality is a term for individuals who experience sexual attraction primarily to themselves. It emphasizes self-love, exploration, and pleasure.

The answer: Autosexuality is a valid orientation. Embracing it can improve self-esteem and intimacy. If you’re exploring this identity, a sex therapist provides a safe, judgment-free space for understanding your desires and boundaries.

5. How Long Should Sex REALLY Last?

Many people worry they’re “too fast” or “too slow” in bed.

The answer: There’s no magic number. Sexual satisfaction is about mutual enjoyment, not minutes on a timer. Communicate openly with your partner about preferences, and explore what brings both of you pleasure rather than focusing on duration.

6. Is It Normal to Experience Pain During Sex?

Painful sex, or dyspareunia, is more common than people think. It can stem from physical issues like infections, hormonal changes, or pelvic floor tension, as well as emotional stress or trauma.

The answer: Seek medical guidance first. Then, consider therapy to work through any emotional blocks or anxiety. Together, these approaches can help make sexual experiences comfortable and enjoyable again.

7. What Is “Shallowing” in Sexual Activity?

“Shallowing” refers to light stimulation at the vaginal opening without deep penetration. It’s popular for people exploring different forms of intimacy or prioritizing external stimulation.

The answer: Shallowing can be deeply pleasurable and is a valid form of sexual expression. Experimenting with different types of touch can expand intimacy and enjoyment.

8. Low Libido? How to Turn the Heat Back On

A drop in sexual desire is normal across the lifespan. Stress, hormones, life transitions, and relationship dynamics all play a role.

The answer: Boost libido by addressing physical health, emotional wellbeing, and relational connection. Communication with your partner is key. A Chicago sex therapist can help identify underlying factors and create practical strategies to reignite desire.

9. What Is Ethical Non-Monogamy?

More people are curious about consensual non-monogamy (CNM), polyamory, or open relationships—but fear the emotional complexity.

The answer: CNM can be fulfilling if approached intentionally. Clear boundaries, ongoing communication, and emotional honesty are essential. Therapy can guide couples through jealousy, compersion, and navigating multiple partnerships safely.

10. How Do I Talk to My Partner About Sexual Desires?

Many people fear judgment or rejection when discussing fantasies or desires.

The answer: Approach conversations with empathy and curiosity. Use “I” statements, focus on what excites you rather than demands, and prioritize listening. A therapist can provide strategies to make these discussions easier and more productive.

Why People Turn to a Chicago Sex Therapist

Curiosity alone isn’t a problem; it’s a doorway to better sexual health. Working with a sex therapist helps you:

• Navigate awkward or uncomfortable questions.

• Address performance anxiety, low libido, or intimacy gaps.

• Explore fantasies and sexual identity safely.

• Improve communication with partners.

• Reduce shame and increase pleasure.

At Embrace Sexual Wellness we provide a safe, judgment-free space to answer these questions and guide you toward a more satisfying sexual life. Book your free consult here to get started!

TLDR

The questions people are Googling about sex in 2025 reveal curiosity, uncertainty, and a desire for connection. Whether it’s learning how to talk about fantasies, addressing painful sex, exploring CNM, or simply understanding masturbation and libido, getting clear, professional guidance can transform your sexual experiences.

You’re not alone in these questions and the answers are out there. Sometimes, the best way to get them is with a certified sex therapist who can provide personalized insight, support, and strategies for sexual and relational wellbeing.