Relationships

Can a Chicago Couples Therapist Really Save My Relationship?

Can a Chicago Couples Therapist Really Save My Relationship?

Many couples who come to therapy in Chicago ask themselves if therapy can actually turn things around or if it’s “too late.” 

While it’s not a couples therapist’s job to decide if a relationship is over, we can definitely help you determine your next steps, and guide you through a process of strengthening communication or repairing trust.

Remember, relationship struggles are common, not a sign of failure. 

In fact, many couples we work with in therapy are smart, independent people who love their partner and are feeling stuck trying to improve their relationship. 

A Chicago couples therapist can’t “magically” fix everything, but therapy provides proven tools to rebuild trust, intimacy, and communication. In this blog, we will explore what couples therapy is, how it works, and whether it can save your relationship.

What Does a Couples Therapist in Chicago Actually Do?

Couples therapy is a safe, structured space to explore challenges. A couples therapist will help track patterns, try to introduce new skills and create space to validate and challenge each partner.

Going to relationship therapy is different from individual therapy because the focus is on the relationship and not on one person entirely. Couples therapists often use evidence-based approaches such as Emotionally Focused Therapy, Gottman Method, and CBT to guide the process.

Can Couples Therapy Really Save a Relationship?

Saving a relationship does not just mean preventing a breakup, but fostering healthier connection. Therapy can be transformational for couples who are stuck in unhelpful patterns and unsure where or what to do next.

A great deal of success in therapy depends on each partners’ willingness to engage both inside and outside the therapy room. Therapists may give homework assignments or introduce skills for couples to practice outside of session. Couples who engage in their homework outside of session tend to experience more progress than those who do not.

Therapy can lead to stronger relationships or it may lead to a healthier decision to part ways.

Signs You and Your Partner Might Benefit from Seeing a Chicago Couples Therapist

You may benefit from relationship therapy if you and your partner are experiencing:

  • Constant fighting or silent distance

  • Lack of intimacy or sex

  • Betrayal or broken trust

  • Big life transitions (kids, career changes, moving)

  • Feeling more like roommates than partners

It’s important to remember that seeking help early prevents deeper rifts. Couples who are more proactive and go to therapy sooner generally experience greater progress than those who wait until the problem has festered for a long time.

What Happens in a Typical Couples Therapy Session?

The first few therapy sessions are usually focused on assessment and history. This is also an opportunity to decipher if your therapist is a good fit for you.

As you proceed in the work, you might work on practicing new communication skills, exploring emotional needs, repairing ruptures.

Remember, couples therapists are guides, not referees. They are not meant to be a judge and take sides. 

It’s also reasonable to expect homework between sessions. This helps couples stay accountable to their goals and work on improving outside of therapy.

It’s normal to feel some discomfort during therapy, especially early on. This is usually a sign of growth.

How to Choose the Right Chicago Couples Therapist for You

First, look for credentials for example a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and  Certified Sex Therapist if intimacy issues are central. Not all mental health therapists are trained to work with couples or to support clients with intimacy concerns, so it’s a wise idea to ask them about their training before getting started. 

Consider the provider’s specialization such as infidelity, sex therapy, parenting, trauma, or neurodivergence. 

Remember, finding a therapist that is a good fit is super important. Therapy is more effective when both partners feel comfortable. It might not feel super easy at first, but it will get better in time. 

Consider the practical features such as location (downtown vs suburbs), telehealth options, and insurance/fees. Many experienced couples therapists are out of network or do not take insurance, but they may provide you with a statement (a superbill) that you can submit to your health insurance provider for reimbursement. 

The Limitations of Couples Therapy

Therapy isn’t about “fixing” one partner, it’s about growing as a team. Most couples therapists consider the relationship as their client. 

Couples therapy won’t work if one partner is unwilling or dishonest. It’s also not recommended for partners who are actively involved in domestic violence or are experiencing ongoing trauma.

Therapy can take time. Some people will go for 10-20 sessions over the course of three to six months to really see a benefit. It’s best to talk with your therapist about how they approach therapy and what the expected duration will be.

Occasionally therapy leads partners to discover that ending their relationship is the healthiest decision. 

What Success in Couples Therapy Looks Like

Success in couples therapy will vary based on your specific goals. Common ways you’ll know therapy is working may include:

  • Better communication and conflict management

  • Renewed emotional and sexual intimacy

  • Stronger teamwork for shared goals

  • Feeling seen and understood, even if you don’t agree on everything

TLDR

Couples therapy isn’t a quick fix, but it offers real hope. Many partners feel tremendous relief even after the first session because they finally have a space to hold them accountable to their goals.

A Chicago couples therapist can guide you toward healing, growth, and clarity, whether that means saving your relationship or redefining it. You can choose what you want to work on in therapy and make the experience specific to your relationship.

If you’re interested in strengthening your relationship, reach out to a Chicago couples therapist at Embrace Sexual Wellness to explore how therapy can help. 

The 10 Sex Questions Everyone’s Googling in 2025 (And How to Actually Answer Them)

The 10 Sex Questions Everyone’s Googling in 2025 (And How to Actually Answer Them)

Sex in 2025 looks different than it did a decade ago. People are searching online for answers to questions they’re too embarrassed, or curious, to ask out loud. From libido struggles to fantasies that feel taboo, these are the sex questions everyone is Googling.

As relationship and sex therapists, we’ve seen how common these concerns are, and how much relief comes from getting clear, honest answers. Here’s the scoop on the 10 most-searched questions about sex and intimacy and how to actually address them.

1. How Do I Have Sex? (Yes, People Still Ask This)

It may seem basic, but “How to have sex?” continues to be the top-searched sex question in 2025. Many people, especially younger adults or those entering new relationships, want guidance on technique, communication, and comfort.

The answer: There’s no one “right” way. Start by focusing on consent, connection, and curiosity. Exploring your body and your partner’s preferences, discussing boundaries, and prioritizing pleasure over performance can make sex more enjoyable for everyone.

2. Why Do I Bleed After Sex?

Bleeding can be scary, and it’s a common reason people search online. Causes range from minor issues like vaginal dryness or minor irritation to medical conditions such as cervical polyps or infections.

The answer: Always rule out medical causes first with a healthcare provider. If no medical issue is found, a sex therapist can help you address emotional factors like anxiety, tension, or discomfort that may be contributing to painful sex.

3. Is Masturbation Normal?

Despite being one of the most natural sexual activities, masturbation still triggers guilt or curiosity.

The answer: Yes, masturbation is normal, healthy, and even beneficial. It helps you understand your body, relieve stress, and enhance sexual confidence. If it feels compulsive or interferes with daily life, a therapist can help you find balance.

4. What Is Autosexuality?

Autosexuality is a term for individuals who experience sexual attraction primarily to themselves. It emphasizes self-love, exploration, and pleasure.

The answer: Autosexuality is a valid orientation. Embracing it can improve self-esteem and intimacy. If you’re exploring this identity, a sex therapist provides a safe, judgment-free space for understanding your desires and boundaries.

5. How Long Should Sex REALLY Last?

Many people worry they’re “too fast” or “too slow” in bed.

The answer: There’s no magic number. Sexual satisfaction is about mutual enjoyment, not minutes on a timer. Communicate openly with your partner about preferences, and explore what brings both of you pleasure rather than focusing on duration.

6. Is It Normal to Experience Pain During Sex?

Painful sex, or dyspareunia, is more common than people think. It can stem from physical issues like infections, hormonal changes, or pelvic floor tension, as well as emotional stress or trauma.

The answer: Seek medical guidance first. Then, consider therapy to work through any emotional blocks or anxiety. Together, these approaches can help make sexual experiences comfortable and enjoyable again.

7. What Is “Shallowing” in Sexual Activity?

“Shallowing” refers to light stimulation at the vaginal opening without deep penetration. It’s popular for people exploring different forms of intimacy or prioritizing external stimulation.

The answer: Shallowing can be deeply pleasurable and is a valid form of sexual expression. Experimenting with different types of touch can expand intimacy and enjoyment.

8. Low Libido? How to Turn the Heat Back On

A drop in sexual desire is normal across the lifespan. Stress, hormones, life transitions, and relationship dynamics all play a role.

The answer: Boost libido by addressing physical health, emotional wellbeing, and relational connection. Communication with your partner is key. A Chicago sex therapist can help identify underlying factors and create practical strategies to reignite desire.

9. What Is Ethical Non-Monogamy?

More people are curious about consensual non-monogamy (CNM), polyamory, or open relationships—but fear the emotional complexity.

The answer: CNM can be fulfilling if approached intentionally. Clear boundaries, ongoing communication, and emotional honesty are essential. Therapy can guide couples through jealousy, compersion, and navigating multiple partnerships safely.

10. How Do I Talk to My Partner About Sexual Desires?

Many people fear judgment or rejection when discussing fantasies or desires.

The answer: Approach conversations with empathy and curiosity. Use “I” statements, focus on what excites you rather than demands, and prioritize listening. A therapist can provide strategies to make these discussions easier and more productive.

Why People Turn to a Chicago Sex Therapist

Curiosity alone isn’t a problem; it’s a doorway to better sexual health. Working with a sex therapist helps you:

  • Navigate awkward or uncomfortable questions.

  • Address performance anxiety, low libido, or intimacy gaps.

  • Explore fantasies and sexual identity safely.

  • Improve communication with partners.

  • Reduce shame and increase pleasure.

At Embrace Sexual Wellness we provide a safe, judgment-free space to answer these questions and guide you toward a more satisfying sexual life. Book your free consult here to get started!

TLDR

The questions people are Googling about sex in 2025 reveal curiosity, uncertainty, and a desire for connection. Whether it’s learning how to talk about fantasies, addressing painful sex, exploring CNM, or simply understanding masturbation and libido, getting clear, professional guidance can transform your sexual experiences.

You’re not alone in these questions and the answers are out there. Sometimes, the best way to get them is with a certified sex therapist who can provide personalized insight, support, and strategies for sexual and relational wellbeing.

How Can I Talk to My Partner About Our Sexual Problems Without Fighting?

How to Talk About Sexual Problems Without It Leading to A Fight

Sexual issues in a long-term relationship don’t show up overnight and they don’t fix themselves overnight either. Whether you’re dealing with low libido, performance anxiety, or a sense that you’ve become “just roommates,” bringing up these concerns with your partner can feel overwhelming.

You may worry that you’ll hurt their feelings, trigger a fight, or get shut down completely. So instead, many couples avoid the topic altogether… until the silence becomes its own kind of problem.

The good news? You can talk about sexual problems in a way that leads to understanding instead of defensiveness. It takes intention, patience, and a few key tools, but it’s possible.

Here’s how to start…

Know That You’re Not Alone and You’re Not Failing

Let’s normalize this: many couples struggle with sex at some point. This could be due to stress, parenting demands, medical or hormonal shifts, emotional disconnection, past trauma, or simply different libidos. It’s not a sign that your relationship is broken; it’s a sign that something needs your attention.

What often turns discomfort into conflict is the way we bring it up, especially when it’s been simmering for a while. That’s why laying the emotional groundwork matters.

Get Clear on What You’re Feeling Before You Bring It Up

Before you talk to your partner, take time to get curious about your own experience. Are you feeling rejected? Embarrassed? Lonely? Anxious about initiating? Pressured when they do?

Write it down. Speak it out loud. Journal, talk to a friend, or even try rehearsing what you’d want to say in therapy.

Clarity helps you approach the conversation with more compassion and less reactivity.

Choose the Right Time (Hint: Not in the Bedroom)

Don’t bring it up in the middle of intimacy or right after a failed attempt at connection. Emotions are raw in those moments, and it’s easy for both people to feel blamed or shut down.

Instead, choose a neutral, low-stress time to talk, maybe on a walk, over coffee, or during a planned check-in. A simple way to begin might be:

“I’ve been thinking a lot about how we’ve been feeling disconnected physically, and I’d really love to talk about it, not because I want to fight, but because I want us to feel closer.”

Framing the conversation as a bid for connection rather than a criticism sets the tone for collaboration.

Use “I” Statements, Not “You Never…” or “You Always…”

Statements like “You never want sex anymore” or “You always turn me down” immediately put your partner on the defensive.

Instead, focus on your experience:

  • “I’ve been feeling distant lately, and I miss feeling close to you.”

  • “I’m craving more intimacy, and I’m not sure how to talk about it without feeling nervous.”

  • “I’m starting to feel anxious about our sex life, and I want us to figure it out together.”

This subtle shift invites understanding instead of blame.

Be Curious, Not Just Correct

Remember, there are two people in this dynamic and both of you bring feelings, fears, and expectations to the table. If your partner seems withdrawn sexually, there’s likely something underneath: stress, insecurity, pressure, shame, or even past rejection.

Instead of jumping to conclusions, try asking:

  • “How do you feel about our sex life lately?”

  • “Are there things that make it hard for you to feel connected or in the mood?”

  • “Is there something I’m doing (or not doing) that you haven’t shared with me yet?”

These questions require vulnerability, yes, and they also open the door to honesty.

Don’t Try to Solve Everything in One Conversation

Big sexual issues are rarely resolved in one sitting. And putting that kind of pressure on a single conversation can make both partners tense or overwhelmed.

Instead, think of this as the start of an ongoing dialogue. Your goal is progress, not perfection.

If it helps, say it out loud:

“We don’t have to solve this all today. I just want us to start talking about it, and keep talking about it.”

Recognize the Role of Shame and Push Back Gently

For many people, especially those raised with little sex education or lots of sexual shame, conversations about intimacy can bring up feelings of inadequacy or guilt.

If your partner gets quiet or defensive, consider what might be happening under the surface. They may not know how to talk about sex without feeling like they’ve failed you, or themselves.

Let them know you’re not looking for blame. You’re looking for closeness.

Sometimes it helps to say:

“This isn’t about who’s right or wrong. I just want us to feel good together again, emotionally and physically.”

Consider Professional Support If You’re Feeling Stuck

Sometimes the communication tools just aren’t enough, not because you’re doing it wrong, but because the issues go deeper than what you can unpack alone.

Couples often come to sex therapy after months or even years of avoidance, frustration, or hurt feelings. Therapy offers a space to name the patterns, uncover what’s really going on, and build new ways to reconnect both emotionally and sexually.

Whether it’s low libido, mismatched desire, painful sex, performance anxiety, or the “we’re just roommates now” dynamic, there’s help. And there’s hope.

TLDR

Talking about sex is vulnerable, but it’s also one of the most powerful things you can do for your relationship. It’s not about perfection or frequency or performance. It’s about feeling seen, desired, and emotionally safe with your partner.

You don’t need to fight to be heard. You just need the right tools, the right timing, and the willingness to show up gently and honestly.

Ready to Take the Next Step?

At Embrace Sexual Wellness, we help couples navigate sexual disconnection, low libido, and performance anxiety in a supportive, nonjudgmental space. Our team of sex and relationship therapists are licensed in Illinois, Idaho, Indiana, Kansas & Louisiana. Book a free intro consult call with us today!