Sex Therapy Blog Chicago | Tips & Insights on Sexual Wellness

WE ARE ACCEPTING NEW CLIENTS FOR IN PERSON + TELEHEALTH APPOINTMENTS. CLICK HERE TO GET STARTED!

#mentalhealth

How to Prevent Seasonal Depression

Fall is fast approaching, which means fall festivities and cozy weather, but unfortunately it also brings daylight savings time on November 5th 2023. For people who experience seasonal affective disorder (SAD), also known as seasonal depression, this can be a difficult time of year. Symptoms of seasonal depression include fatigue, loss of interest in pleasurable activities, and intense sadness. It is not an uncommon circumstance, so if you experience this, you are far from alone. Luckily, there are things you can do to mitigate the intensity of your symptoms.

Tips for Mitigating Symptoms of Seasonal Depression

Utilize light therapy

While there is no definitive cause of SAD, diminished sunlight is thought to be a major contributor. Light boxes are designed to deliver bright light, simulating sunlight, to treat symptoms of SAD. You cannot use just any light, it needs to provide 10,000 lux of light and produce as little UV as possible. There are specific guidelines to using the lightbox delineating the best time of day and exposure times, so be sure to do your research before trying this method.  

Get outdoors

Spending time outdoors functions similarly to the lightbox, in that the goal is to maximize exposure to natural light. It is even better if you can do something active outdoors like taking a walk to provide a boost of endorphins. If that does not feel feasible, sitting outside and getting some sunlight and fresh air is a great approach too.  

Practice meditation

When most people hear about meditation, it generates a mental image of someone sitting in a lotus pose humming “omm”. While this is a valid approach to meditation, it is not the only option. Walking in nature while focusing on your breathing and intentionally taking in your surroundings is one form of meditation. Dynamic meditation is another great option for those who get restless trying to sit still because it uses physical movement as meditation. Research suggests coloring in a structured, symmetrical pattern facilitates a meditative state and soothes anxiety so coloring mandalas is another option for meditation. This is not an exhaustive overview of types of meditation, so if these do not resonate, consider these alternative forms of meditation to find one that works for you.   

Stay socially connected

As with any type of depression, isolating only adds fuel to the fire. Ensuring that some of your close contacts understand that you are depressed or that you anticipate having a hard time once winter comes is a great first step. You can also consider asking them to check on you with increased frequency, help you run errands or do chores, take regular walks with you, or whatever else feels helpful when you are depressed. Socializing does not have to mean anything big or fancy, even a quick call with a friend is better than complete isolation.   

Try therapy

If your symptoms persist or worsen, it is important to seek professional help. A mental health provider can offer therapeutic interventions such as talk therapy or medication. Common types of therapy for depression include Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Psychodynamic therapy, and Mindfulness-Based Cognitive therapy. In fact, CBT has been adapted specifically for SAD as well. Not every therapy will work for every person, but there are multiple approaches available to treat SAD.   

Takeaway

Educating yourself on methods to prevent and mitigate symptoms of seasonal affective disorder is an important first step that you have already taken by reading this article. You can navigate the darkness of winter successfully by embracing preventive measures and taking advantage of the resources around you like community and professional support.      

I Think I Have ADHD, Now What?

If you suspect that you may have Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), you may feel overwhelmed and uncertain about what to do next. ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder that affects children and adults, and it can significantly impact various aspects of life, including work, school, relationships, and daily functioning. If you suspect you have ADHD, take proactive steps to seek assessment, diagnosis, and appropriate interventions. This blog post will provide a comprehensive guide to help you navigate next steps and offer resources for those who experience ADHD symptoms.

Education and Self Assessment

The first step is to educate yourself about ADHD and assess your symptoms. You can start by taking a reputable self-assessment tool, such as the Adult ADHD Self-Report Scale (ASRS), to understand your symptoms and their severity. Remember that self-assessment tools are not diagnostic but they may provide valuable information to be further discussed with a qualified healthcare professional.

Seek Professional Evaluation

If you suspect you have ADHD, it's crucial to seek a professional evaluation from a psychiatrist, psychologist, or neurologist who is experienced and qualified in diagnosing ADHD. A comprehensive evaluation typically includes a thorough clinical interview, a medical and psychiatric history review, and an assessment of ADHD symptoms. It may also entail other evaluations, such as cognitive testing or rating scales.

Educate Yourself about Treatment Options

ADHD is a treatable condition, and various evidence-based treatment options are available, including medication, therapy, and behavioral interventions. Educating yourself about these options is essential, and working with your healthcare professional to develop a treatment plan tailored to your needs and preferences. It's also important to understand the potential benefits, risks, and side effects of ADHD medications and to carefully follow the prescribed treatment plan.

Locate an ADHD Specialist

If you receive a diagnosis of ADHD, it may be important to you to work with qualified healthcare professionals who specialize in ADHD to develop and execute a treatment plan. ADHD specialists may include psychiatrists, psychologists, therapists, or other mental health professionals with expertise in ADHD treatment. They can provide tailored interventions, such as medication management, therapy, or behavioral strategies to address your unique needs and challenges associated with ADHD. Sometimes, you may find professionals that provide both diagnostic and treatment services.

Develop Coping Strategies and Lifestyle Modifications

Developing coping strategies and lifestyle modifications can help manage ADHD symptoms. Coping strategies may include time management techniques, organization skills, creating a structured routine, setting realistic goals, and managing stress. Adopting a healthy lifestyle, including regular exercise, a healthy diet, and adequate sleep can also support overall well-being and help manage ADHD symptoms.

Seek Support and Connect with Others

ADHD can be challenging to manage on your own, and seeking support from others is important. This may include talking to trusted friends or family members, joining support groups or online communities for individuals with ADHD, or working with a therapist to address the social-emotional and psychological challenges associated with ADHD. Connecting with others who share similar experiences can provide validation, understanding, and valuable tips for managing ADHD symptoms.

Learn to Advocate for Yourself

Advocacy and self-empowerment are paramount to effectively managing ADHD. Educate yourself about your rights, accommodations, and available educational, work, or community resources. Develop self-advocacy skills to communicate your needs effectively and assertively, and seek resources and support services to help you navigate challenges and access appropriate accommodations or services. It's important to be proactive in advocating for yourself and seeking the support you need to thrive with ADHD.

Takeaways

If you suspect that you have ADHD, it's essential to take proactive steps to seek evaluation, diagnosis, and appropriate interventions. Educating yourself and developing a way to manage your ADHD in a way that resonates with you can bring lasting impacts on you and your interpersonal relationships. Remember, you are not alone; resources and support are available to help you with ADHD.

Written by Seth Taylor, ALMFT

What is Gaslighting? What to know about gaslighting and how it can impact relationships

The popularity of the internet meme phrase “gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss” in 2021 brought the term “gaslight” into the zeitgeist. The meme, in conjunction with the trend of armchair psychology on TikTok, allowed conversations about gaslighting to quickly gain traction. Despite what the flippancy with which the phrase is tossed around might lead you to believe, “gaslighting” is a type of emotional abuse. Gaslighting is a “covert type of emotional abuse in which the bully or person who gaslights misleads the recipient, creating a false narrative and making them question their judgments and reality.” Though this abusive dynamic is most often connoted with romantic relationships, it can happen in any type of relationship.

For example, partner A shares with partner B that they are uncomfortable when partner B flirts with people when they go out together, a gaslighting response from partner B may be “I don’t flirt with other people, you’re just being paranoid.” When partner B denies and deflects their behavior, they make partner A doubt their perception of reality, which makes it near impossible to ever have a healthy or productive conversation within this type of dynamic. 

When gaslighting happens repeatedly, the recipient starts to doubt their own memories, perception of reality, and sanity, making them lose self-confidence and become more dependent on the abusive partner. The most insidious part of gaslighting is that making someone doubt their own reality means the recipient will struggle to even recognize when it’s happening. This article will discuss the various forms of gaslighting, how to recognize it, and how to respond when someone denies your experience.

Types of Gaslighting and What to Look Out For

Gaslighting is a name for a general manipulation tactic that all serves the same goal of making the recipient question their reality, but there are different tactics gaslighters use to accomplish this. Understanding the different ways gaslighting appears can help you recognize it easier. Here are some of the ways that gaslighters may engage with people: 

  • Denying that certain events happened or certain conversations took place.

  • Minimizing and invalidating someone’s needs and requests.

  • Isolating the recipient from their support system to solidify the person who gaslights’ control over them. Often achieved by using a veil of apparent support for the recipient by saying something like “I don’t think your friends have your best interests at heart,” falsely positing the person who gaslights as a protector from “harmful” people. 

  • Lovebombing. While not exclusive to gaslighting, a general abuse tactic that often shows up in conjunction with gaslighting, is the cycle between abuse and love bombing. Lovebombing is when the person who gaslights showers the recipient in attention and love, usually when the recipient is starting to have doubts about the relationship, to make them want to stay and believe the person who gaslights will change.

  • Constantly criticizing the recipient to make them call into question their judgment and ability to accurately assess situations and decisions.

Commonly used phrases by people who engage in gaslighting may include:

  • "I never said that."

  • "I did that because I love you."

  • "You're being overly sensitive."

  • "If you loved me, you would..." 

  • "You're being delusional."

  • "You are just insecure."

  • "That never happened.

  • "It's not that big a deal."

  • "You're just being paranoid." 

A major sign that you might be being gaslit is constantly experiencing confusion, uncertainty, and self-doubt in the context of a relationship. If you suspect you are being gaslit, remember you are not to blame for being the target and when you’re ready, there are steps you can take to address what’s happening.  

How to Respond to Gaslighting 

Once you suspect you are being gaslit, it’s difficult to know how to approach the subject with the person who gaslights and react to the situation overall. Here are some important steps to take:

1. If you are hoping to salvage the relationship, here are some key phrases you can use to inform your conversation with the person gaslighting: 

    • “My feelings are valid. I don’t appreciate you telling me I’m too sensitive” 

    • “I know what I saw”

    • “When I share a concern with you, it’s hurtful when you try to invalidate me instead of trying to engage in a conversation about it”

Before the conversation, internally establish what your goal is and what you want to convey. Be prepared to set boundaries, maintain your ground when it’s called into question, and even walk away if the person is not being receptive.

2. Start documenting, whether through pictures, voice notes, or written notes, the instances that make you suspect you are being gaslit. You can also document your experience of an event that you think might be met with gaslighting in order to have a tangible record of what happened in case it’s denied later by the person who gaslights.

3. Talk to someone trustworthy, ideally who knows both parties involved, to get perspective on the situation and, if they spend time with you often, they might be able to corroborate your recollections that are being denied. 

4. Make a safety plan if you do end up needing to sever ties with the person who gaslights. This might include a list of safe places to stay, emergency contacts, and self-care ideas to help you cope.

5. Speak to a therapist if that’s an accessible option for you. Working with a therapist can help you recognize what’s happening a bit more objectively and help you make a plan on how to handle the situation going forward.

In a healthy relationship, both parties should be open to discussing concerns and hurt feelings without worry that they will be invalidated. If someone you suspect is gaslighting you is not willing to hear out your feelings and acknowledge your reality, it is impossible to have a healthy relationship. There are many reasons someone might gaslight others, including both intentional and unintentional roots of the problem, but the impact on the recipient is more important than the intention. Gaslighting is a serious form of emotional abuse and recipients should strongly consider seeking professional help to handle the situation.