Wondering About Relationship Therapy? Here are 3 Myths to Debunk

Relationship therapy is a great tool that, unfortunately, is often stigmatized and surrounded by myths that disincentivize people from utilizing it. Some of these myths include that relationship therapy is only for those on the brink of divorce, that relationship therapy is a cop out from fixing the problem yourselves, that a stranger couldn’t possibly help your relationship, and that the therapist will take sides or favor one partner over the other. Here are some of the most common myths; let’s breakdown why each one is incorrect.

1) Relationship therapy is only for those on the brink of divorce

While some people certainly go to therapy as a last resort to avoid the end of the relationship, that is far from the only valid reason to try relationship therapy. Perhaps you need to fine tune communication skills, or maybe there’s a desire discrepancy negatively impacting your sex life, or maybe you’re struggling to feel connected following the birth of a child; these examples and dozens more have the potential to benefit from relationship therapy.

2) Relationship therapy is a cop out from fixing the problem yourselves

Asking for help is not a weakness, it’s a strength. There is a reason that tools like relationship therapy exist; they’re there to be used, and they’re there because they have a documented history of helping people. Not only does a therapist bring their expertise to the table that people without formal psychological training don’t usually have, but they also serve as a mediator to try to ensure that all parties are not only heard, but understood. Wellness experts like personal trainers and physicians are much less stigmatized even though their role is similar to a relationship therapist’s in that their expertise facilitates their clients’ wellness. The choice to seek help from an expert is smart, not weak.

3) The therapist will take sides or favor one partner over the other(s) (especially if attending therapy was initiated by one more than the other(s))

In a successful therapeutic dynamic, this should not be the case. Ideally, everyone should feel heard and validated, and the therapist’s role is to facilitate that. Taking one side over another would only serve to alienate someone and therefore undermine the goal of the therapy.

Despite the stigma, relationship therapy is nothing to be ashamed of and with the right therapist, it can be a powerful tool. If you’re interested in learning more about whether or not relationship therapy is a good fit for you, reach out to Embrace Sexual Wellness.

Wondering How to Navigate Tough Conversations? Here Are 4 Tips

Having tough conversations is a fundamental part of any close relationship, platonic, romantic, and/or sexual. Unfortunately, that fact doesn’t make them any easier to have. Whether you want to talk to a friend about their chronic lateness or to your partner about your needs not being met, or any number of other examples, this article will discuss important, widely applicable conflict management tips to help you through it.

1) Being effective versus being right

Even though digging in your heels and trying to prove your correctness might feel more appealing and satisfying than aiming for effectiveness, it will foster a much more contentious conversation. Being right might be more satisfying in the short term, but focusing on being effective will be far more satisfying and bring more peace to your life in the long term. In an ideal world, you wouldn’t have to choose, but when you do have to choose, effectiveness will ultimately serve you and the relationship far more.

2) Operate on the assumption that everyone is doing the best they can at any given moment…

…even if that “best” is not enough for you right now. We are all imperfect and no matter how much we wish we could always bring our best self to the table, that simply isn’t the case. No matter how much you disagree with the person sitting across from you, the assumption that you are both doing your best can mitigate feelings of resentment. Just because someone is trying their best doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be held responsible for where they get it wrong, but reframing their intentions in this way makes it easier to empathize, and therefore easier to have a productive conversation.

3) Reframe the conflict as a team versus a problem instead of person versus person

In a tough conversation with a loved one, instead of going head to head and focusing on how to prove the other person wrong, try to approach the conflict as the two of you against the problem together. In a healthy relationship dynamic, you will have something in common: a desire to reach a resolution and you should use that commonality to your advantage. Reminding the other person of this fact can help defuse intense moments so you can proceed to a more effective solution.

4) Use the GIVE skill from DBT

Dialectical behavioral therapy is a modified type of cognitive behavioral therapy which primarily aims to teach how to live in the present, healthily cope, improve interpersonal interactions, and regulate intense emotions. An interpersonal effectiveness DBT skill is “GIVE” which stands for: (be) Gentle, (act) Interested, Validate, (use an) Easy Manner. Being Gentle means being nice and respectful while avoiding judgment, blaming, or threats. Acting Interested refers to active listening. Validating involves showing that you understand the other person’s thoughts and feelings; for example you might reiterate your understanding of what they’ve just told you to ensure you’re on the same page. Finally, an Easy Manner means checking your attitude at the door and bringing your kindest self to the table.

Though we hope these tips will help you facilitate a kind, collaborative conversation, it’s important to keep in mind that utilizing them will not necessarily eliminate all unpleasantness and challenge from your interpersonal interactions. That being said, if you try these tips and you still feel unequipped, consider seeing a therapist like the ones at Embrace Sexual Wellness.

A Helping Hand: The Benefits of Sharing Porn and Erotica with Your Partner(s)

Despite the stigma surrounding erotica and porn, they can be healthy, helpful tools both for solo and partnered sexual enjoyment. There are a multitude of benefits to watching porn in tandem, like facilitating communication about sex and sexual preferences, stimulating responsive desire, and inspiring you to try new things in the bedroom. That being said, let’s break those down to understand why that’s the case:

1) Improving communication

There are several ways that consuming erotica and porn together with your partner(s) can improve communication. One, if there’s something you’ve been wanting to try but haven’t been able to ask for directly yet, consider finding erotica or porn representing that desire and, with consent, share it with your partner. Erotica and porn are not by any means accurate enough to serve as true tutorials, but they can certainly offer inspiration! Two, opening up a vulnerable conversation such as consuming porn together necessitates communication about boundaries: what you want to consume together, why, how, and when. Finally, keep in mind that when you do communicate about it, similar to any sort of sexual desire you share with your partner(s), it should be a question with the opportunity for the response to be no.

2) Igniting responsive desire

Responsive desire “means someone often needs to experience physical arousal before experiencing mental desire, [as opposed to] spontaneous desire [which] means someone often feels mental desire before physical arousal.” Many people are busy and overwhelmed with responsibilities that regardless of a person’s desire for sex in the abstract, they might not actually experience that desire without some sort of stimulation. That’s where porn and erotica come in! Especially for relationships where there’s a mismatch in partners having spontaneous versus responsive desire styles, using porn and erotica as a “jumpstart” can change the game.

3) Inspiring experimentation

Though as stated previously, porn and erotica should not be used as tutorials, they can certainly introduce you to new moves and techniques that you may have been unaware of. From there, you can explore how to execute that move based on more reputable sources.

Sharing porn and erotica isn’t for everyone but it can certainly offer a new sexual outlet in a relationship and provide all the benefits discussed in this article. Here are Embrace Sexual Wellness’s suggestions forSharing porn and erotica isn’t for everyone but it can certainly offer a new sexual outlet in a relationship and provide all the benefits discussed in this article. Here are Embrace Sexual Wellness’s suggestions for fantasy and erotica.