Connection

What Happens to Your Sex Life After a Loss?

Grief changes us. It doesn’t just affect our emotions or thoughts, it can impact every aspect of how we move through the world, including our sexuality. While we often talk about how grief shapes mental health or daily functioning, conversations about its effect on intimacy and sexual expression are less common, yet equally important.

At Embrace Sexual Wellness, our team of sex therapists work with individuals and couples navigating the complex ways loss shows up in their relationships and their bodies. Whether you're grieving the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, a health diagnosis, or the loss of a long-held identity, these experiences can deeply influence how you connect with yourself and others.

How Does Grief Affect Your Sex Life and Intimacy?

Grief can stem from many forms of loss, not just bereavement. It might come from a divorce, a miscarriage, infertility, the onset of chronic illness, or even the loss of a life you once envisioned for yourself. Regardless of the source, grief can leave a lasting imprint on your nervous system, which directly influences how safe and present you feel in your body, and that’s central to sexuality.

One common experience during grief is a significant decrease in sexual desire. The body’s natural response to stress, sadness, and emotional overwhelm can make it difficult to feel sensual or intimate. When your nervous system is focused on survival, connection and pleasure often take a back seat.

Others may feel a kind of emotional numbness that makes it hard to engage in physical intimacy. It's not uncommon to feel disconnected from your body or to go through the motions without feeling present. Some people experience guilt when they begin to feel desire again, as if experiencing pleasure somehow dishonors the person or life they’re grieving.

On the other hand, grief can sometimes heighten the need for closeness or physical contact. For some, sex becomes a way to cope, to feel alive, to escape, or to re-establish a sense of connection. There’s no single “right” response. What matters is understanding how your grief is influencing your relationship to your body and intimacy.

Navigating Grief in a Relationship

When you're in a relationship, grief doesn’t occur in a vacuum; it can shift the dynamics between you and your partner. One person might pull away from sex while the other seeks it out for comfort. These different responses can create tension, misunderstanding, or even resentment if not openly acknowledged.

A couples therapist can help support parnters in making space for these differences. Our providers help couples talk about what’s happening emotionally and physically without judgment, so you can rebuild intimacy in a way that honors each person's needs and pace.

Communication becomes a vital tool. Being able to say, “I’m feeling shut down lately and don’t know how to ask for what I need,” or “I miss the closeness we used to have, but I’m also afraid to rush things,” can begin to bridge the gap between you and your partner. These aren’t easy conversations, but they’re essential for healing together.

Reclaiming Intimacy After Loss

There is no timeline for when or how grief should resolve, and no rulebook for how you should feel about sex in the aftermath. Some people feel ready to reconnect with their bodies and their partners after a few weeks; for others, it might take months or even years. That’s okay.

One of the most healing things you can do is allow yourself to be exactly where you are. You may find comfort in small gestures (e.g., holding hands, cuddling, sharing quiet time without expectations). These forms of non-sexual touch can be powerful stepping stones back to connection.

Some people find that practices like mindfulness, breathwork, or gentle movement help them feel more grounded in their bodies. These approaches can support the slow rebuilding of bodily awareness and sensation after a period of disconnection.

At our practice, we frequently guide clients through this reawakening process with compassion and patience. Whether you're coming in alone or as a couple, we provide a space where your grief and your sexuality can coexist without shame.

Grieving the Loss of Sexual Functioning and Intimacy

Grief doesn’t only arise from the loss of people, it can also stem from changes in how we experience our own bodies. For many individuals, sexual functioning concerns like erectile dysfunction (ED), prostate cancer and breast cancer, or other medical conditions can lead to a profound sense of loss. The grief that follows may not be widely talked about, but it’s very real.

These changes can impact not just physical intimacy, but also self-image, confidence, and emotional closeness with a partner. Sex therapy can be very helpful for couples facing these challenges to process the grief of what’s been lost and explore new, meaningful ways to connect. Whether you're navigating a medical diagnosis or adjusting to a new phase in your sexual life, support is available and healing is possible.

When Grief Is Complicated by Trauma

In some cases, grief is tangled up with trauma such as sudden loss, medical complications, or abusive dynamics. This can trigger deeper nervous system responses like panic, shutdown, or dissociation during sex. If you’re experiencing flashbacks, anxiety, or intense fear around intimacy, know that you’re not broken. These are trauma responses, not personal failures.

Our team of sex therapists take a trauma-informed approach and are trained to work gently with these experiences. We’re here to help you rebuild trust with your body and your sense of safety, one step at a time.

You Deserve Support

Grief affects every part of life, including areas we’re often told to keep private, like our sex lives. But sexuality is part of your humanity, and it deserves care, even in the midst of loss.

If you’re in Chicagoland or one of the states we’re licensed in, our team of compassionate sex therapists is here to support you through the complex, often painful terrain of grieving while honoring your need for connection, pleasure, and healing. Whether you’re trying to rediscover desire, strengthen a relationship, or simply make sense of what you're feeling, you don’t have to figure it out alone.

We believe grief and intimacy aren’t mutually exclusive. They can exist side by side and when held with care, both can lead you toward deeper self-understanding and more authentic connection.

If you're ready to start therapy, we're here to help...

Reach out today to schedule a consultation with one of our experienced relationship counselors or sex therapists. Let’s get started together.

How Can I Talk to My Partner About Our Sexual Problems Without Fighting?

How to Talk About Sexual Problems Without It Leading to A Fight

Sexual issues in a long-term relationship don’t show up overnight and they don’t fix themselves overnight either. Whether you’re dealing with low libido, performance anxiety, or a sense that you’ve become “just roommates,” bringing up these concerns with your partner can feel overwhelming.

You may worry that you’ll hurt their feelings, trigger a fight, or get shut down completely. So instead, many couples avoid the topic altogether… until the silence becomes its own kind of problem.

The good news? You can talk about sexual problems in a way that leads to understanding instead of defensiveness. It takes intention, patience, and a few key tools, but it’s possible.

Here’s how to start…

Know That You’re Not Alone and You’re Not Failing

Let’s normalize this: many couples struggle with sex at some point. This could be due to stress, parenting demands, medical or hormonal shifts, emotional disconnection, past trauma, or simply different libidos. It’s not a sign that your relationship is broken; it’s a sign that something needs your attention.

What often turns discomfort into conflict is the way we bring it up, especially when it’s been simmering for a while. That’s why laying the emotional groundwork matters.

Get Clear on What You’re Feeling Before You Bring It Up

Before you talk to your partner, take time to get curious about your own experience. Are you feeling rejected? Embarrassed? Lonely? Anxious about initiating? Pressured when they do?

Write it down. Speak it out loud. Journal, talk to a friend, or even try rehearsing what you’d want to say in therapy.

Clarity helps you approach the conversation with more compassion and less reactivity.

Choose the Right Time (Hint: Not in the Bedroom)

Don’t bring it up in the middle of intimacy or right after a failed attempt at connection. Emotions are raw in those moments, and it’s easy for both people to feel blamed or shut down.

Instead, choose a neutral, low-stress time to talk, maybe on a walk, over coffee, or during a planned check-in. A simple way to begin might be:

“I’ve been thinking a lot about how we’ve been feeling disconnected physically, and I’d really love to talk about it, not because I want to fight, but because I want us to feel closer.”

Framing the conversation as a bid for connection rather than a criticism sets the tone for collaboration.

Use “I” Statements, Not “You Never…” or “You Always…”

Statements like “You never want sex anymore” or “You always turn me down” immediately put your partner on the defensive.

Instead, focus on your experience:

  • “I’ve been feeling distant lately, and I miss feeling close to you.”

  • “I’m craving more intimacy, and I’m not sure how to talk about it without feeling nervous.”

  • “I’m starting to feel anxious about our sex life, and I want us to figure it out together.”

This subtle shift invites understanding instead of blame.

Be Curious, Not Just Correct

Remember, there are two people in this dynamic and both of you bring feelings, fears, and expectations to the table. If your partner seems withdrawn sexually, there’s likely something underneath: stress, insecurity, pressure, shame, or even past rejection.

Instead of jumping to conclusions, try asking:

  • “How do you feel about our sex life lately?”

  • “Are there things that make it hard for you to feel connected or in the mood?”

  • “Is there something I’m doing (or not doing) that you haven’t shared with me yet?”

These questions require vulnerability, yes, and they also open the door to honesty.

Don’t Try to Solve Everything in One Conversation

Big sexual issues are rarely resolved in one sitting. And putting that kind of pressure on a single conversation can make both partners tense or overwhelmed.

Instead, think of this as the start of an ongoing dialogue. Your goal is progress, not perfection.

If it helps, say it out loud:

“We don’t have to solve this all today. I just want us to start talking about it, and keep talking about it.”

Recognize the Role of Shame and Push Back Gently

For many people, especially those raised with little sex education or lots of sexual shame, conversations about intimacy can bring up feelings of inadequacy or guilt.

If your partner gets quiet or defensive, consider what might be happening under the surface. They may not know how to talk about sex without feeling like they’ve failed you, or themselves.

Let them know you’re not looking for blame. You’re looking for closeness.

Sometimes it helps to say:

“This isn’t about who’s right or wrong. I just want us to feel good together again, emotionally and physically.”

Consider Professional Support If You’re Feeling Stuck

Sometimes the communication tools just aren’t enough, not because you’re doing it wrong, but because the issues go deeper than what you can unpack alone.

Couples often come to sex therapy after months or even years of avoidance, frustration, or hurt feelings. Therapy offers a space to name the patterns, uncover what’s really going on, and build new ways to reconnect both emotionally and sexually.

Whether it’s low libido, mismatched desire, painful sex, performance anxiety, or the “we’re just roommates now” dynamic, there’s help. And there’s hope.

TLDR

Talking about sex is vulnerable, but it’s also one of the most powerful things you can do for your relationship. It’s not about perfection or frequency or performance. It’s about feeling seen, desired, and emotionally safe with your partner.

You don’t need to fight to be heard. You just need the right tools, the right timing, and the willingness to show up gently and honestly.

Ready to Take the Next Step?

At Embrace Sexual Wellness, we help couples navigate sexual disconnection, low libido, and performance anxiety in a supportive, nonjudgmental space. Our team of sex and relationship therapists are licensed in Illinois, Idaho, Indiana, Kansas & Louisiana. Book a free intro consult call with us today!

Navigating Intimacy as a Neurodivergent Individual: Embracing Your Unique Sexual Self

Intimacy is often portrayed as a universal experience, but for neurodivergent individuals, it can feel like a landscape with few familiar landmarks. Whether you're autistic, have ADHD, or identify as neurodiverse in other ways, your experiences with sex and relationships are uniquely yours—and that's valid.

At Embrace Sexual Wellness, we understand that neurodivergent relationships come with their own set of challenges and joys. In this article, we’re sharing insights, important tips and reminders that you're not alone.

Understanding the Neurodivergent Experience of Intimacy

Sensory Sensitivity and Overstimulation

Many neurodivergent individuals experience heightened sensory sensitivity, which can make physical touch during intimacy feel overwhelming. Overstimulation during sex isn't uncommon; what might be pleasurable for one person can be discomforting for another. Recognizing and communicating your sensory preferences is crucial. For instance, you might prefer dim lighting, specific textures, or certain types of touch. Understanding and respecting these preferences can lead to more fulfilling intimate experiences.

Emotional Dysregulation and Its Impact

Emotional dysregulation can affect sexual experiences, making it challenging to navigate feelings during intimacy. This experience, often linked to emotional dysregulation in ADHD, can affect how intimacy is felt or interpreted. It's important to acknowledge that emotional responses during sex are valid, even if they seem intense or unpredictable. Open communication with your partner about these experiences can foster understanding and support.

Navigating Intimacy with ADHD and Autism

ADHD and Sex Drive

ADHD can influence sexual desire and behavior. Fluctuating libido and distraction during sex are common among people with ADHD in relationships. Understanding that these experiences are linked to ADHD can alleviate feelings of guilt or confusion. It's essential to communicate openly with your partner about your needs and boundaries.

Autistic and Dating

Dating as an autistic individual can present unique challenges. Autistic individuals may experience challenges in dating due to difficulty interpreting social cues, but many still form deeply meaningful partnerships. However, many autistic individuals find deep, meaningful connections when they engage in relationships that honor their authentic selves. Clear communication and mutual respect are key components of successful relationships.

Addressing Common Concerns

"Why Is Sex Hard for Me?"

If you're wondering, "Why is sex hard for me?" you're not alone. Many neurodivergent individuals face challenges related to intimacy. These challenges can stem from sensory sensitivities, emotional regulation difficulties, or past experiences. Seeking support from a therapist experienced in neurodivergent sexual health can provide strategies to navigate these challenges.

"I Love My Partner but Don't Want Sex"

Experiencing a lack of desire for sex doesn't diminish the love you have for your partner. Factors like sensory overload, emotional fatigue, or simply differing libido levels can contribute to this feeling. It's important to have open conversations with your partner about your feelings and explore ways to maintain intimacy without sexual activity.

Healing and Growth Through Therapy

Trauma-Informed Sex Therapy

For many neurodivergent individuals, past experiences may have shaped their relationship with intimacy. Trauma-informed sex therapy provides a safe space to explore these experiences, understand their impact, and work towards healing. This approach emphasizes safety, trust, and empowerment.

Sex After Masking

Masking, or suppressing one's natural behaviors to fit societal expectations, can affect sexual experiences. After unmasking, individuals may find that their desires, boundaries, and preferences shift. Therapy can assist in navigating these changes and embracing a more authentic sexual self.

Embracing Your Unique Sexual Identity

It's essential to recognize that your experiences with intimacy are valid. Embracing your neurodivergent identity can lead to more fulfilling relationships and a deeper understanding of your sexual self. Remember, you're not broken—you're unique, and your journey is your own.

If you're seeking support in navigating intimacy as a neurodivergent individual, our team of therapists offer a safe, affirming space to explore your experiences. Our therapists specialize in neurodivergent sexual health and are here to support you on your journey.