The Best Sex Positions for Maximum Pleasure

Sex is often enhanced by variety but there are so many different options for sex positions out there that it can be hard to figure out which ones are worth trying out. While everyone’s sexual exploration journey is unique, this article aims to provide a guide to various sex positions for different contexts, such as penetration, oral sex, and physical accessibility.      

What are the Best Positions for Penetration?

Doggy Style

How: The receiver is on all fours and the giver kneels behind them. 

Benefits: Doggy style is a great option for those looking for deep penetration. It works with vaginal or anal sex. For even more pleasure, the receiver can stimulate their genitals while receiving penetration.  

Cowgirl

How: The giver lies down (either with legs straight out or knees up) while the receiver faces them and straddles their hips. 

Benefits: Cowgirl is great for receivers who want control over the pace, angle, and depth of the penetration. For people with clitorises, cowgirl offers the opportunity to grind or rub the clitoris during penetration.  

G-Whiz

How: The receiver lies on their back with legs up and spread apart, resting on the giver’s shoulders, while the giver kneels in front of them or lays flat on top

Benefits: G-whiz allows for very deep penetration and it is especially good for people with vulvas who enjoy G-spot and cervical stimulation.  

What are the Best Positions for Oral Sex?

Best Positions for Cunnilingus

Lying Back

How: This is the classic cunnilingus position, where the receiver lies down with their knees up and the giver lies down on their stomach with their head between the receiver’s thighs.

Benefits: It is an easy, beginner-friendly position and comfortable for the receiver. A potential drawback is that givers might experience neck pain after awhile; if this is an issue for you, the giver can try propping themself with their elbows and/or a pillow under the chest. 

Kivin Method

How: The receiver lies on their back while the giver lies perpendicular, with the receiver’s bent knee over their neck/shoulder region.

Benefits: The Kivin method is great for full clitoral stimulation and clitoral orgasms.  

Best Positions for Fellatio

Lying Back

How: The receiver lies down with the giver lying stomach-down with their head between the receiver’s legs.

Benefits: A classic for both cunnilingus and fellatio, lying back is a reliable, easy position. As a bonus, if the receiver puts their knees up, the giver can add anal penetration or fondle the testicles.

Fire Hydrant

How: The receiver stands up with the giver on their knees facing the receiver.

Benefits: It is versatile in the sense that the receiver can take control and thrust into the giver’s mouth, or the giver can take control of the pace and depth while the receiver stands still. It also allows for the giver to use their hands to stimulate the genitals. Additionally, the power dynamic of one partner standing and the other on their knees is hot!

What are the Most Accessible Sex Positions?

Modified Missionary

How: As the name suggests, this position is missionary - in which the receiver lies on their back with the giver on top facing them - but with a twist. A pillow or wedge under the receiver’s hips, head/neck, or other places based on your specific needs can alleviate some discomfort. Alternatively, the receiver can lay on their back with their buttocks on the edge of the bed while the giver stands facing them and penetrates them that way.

Benefits: Pillows and wedges can make the position more comfortable for all partners. The alternative method is good for receivers with mobility issues.      

Spooning Position

How: Both partners lie on their sides, facing the same direction, with one’s front pressed up against the other’s back.

Benefits: This is a versatile position, allowing for hand stimulation, grinding, toys, penetration, grinding, or anything else you can imagine! It is also comfortable and allows for a feeling of closeness and intimacy.

The Bottom Line    

Experimenting with sexual positions and learning new things about yourself and your partner(s) can be a fun endeavor. Make sure you explore consensually with ongoing communication. Remember that foreplay and lube can go a long way in enhancing your experience. If you need additional help mixing things up in the bedroom, consider seeking sex therapy. 

Things to Know If Your Partner Is Asexual (And You Aren’t)

Asexuality is often a misunderstood sexual orientation. An asexual person does not experience sexual attraction. This does not necessarily mean they do not have sex or do not want a romantic relationship. Asexuality is a spectrum, so some asexual people still have sex for reasons other than attraction, such as enjoying the attention, while others are sex averse and do not want to engage in any form of sex. Distinct from asexuality, aromantic people do not experience romantic attraction or desire. Sometimes asexual people are also aromantic, but not always. Asexual people who do want a romantic relationship may be wary of becoming involved with an allosexual (someone who does experience sexual attraction) due to the mismatch in sexual needs. This article will discuss how to make a mixed-orientation relationship work, because it is possible! 

How to make a relationship work if your partner is asexual (and you aren’t)

Seek mutual understanding

When there is a discrepancy in wants, needs, and experiences between partners, it is important to have an open and honest dialogue about each others’ experiences. For the allosexual partner, understand that asexuality is not a personal jab, nor a choice. For the asexual partner, understand that whether or not sex is an important facet of feeling fulfilled for you, it may be for your partner. Just because someone is asexual does not mean that they never have sex. Being on the same page regarding willingness to have sex is important. If they do not want sex at all though, there are still ways to work with that.  

Address unmet needs

Finding alternative ways to meet needs for intimacy and affection will look different in every relationship dynamic so do not be afraid to experiment. Some options are cuddling, making out, and sensual massages as alternative physical intimacy activities. Additionally, prioritizing activities that both partners find fulfilling outside physical intimacy can strengthen the emotional bond and intimacy. Another option is to consider opening up the relationship. If one partner wants more sex than the other, that need can be outsourced so everyone’s boundaries and needs are being respected. However, non-monogamy is not for everyone so make sure you do your research and talk about the pros and cons before diving in. That being said, for some, it is a way to honor each partner’s needs while preserving the relationship. In any relationship, it is crucial to address unmet needs to avoid resentment or incompatibility which starts with clear communication. This does not always come naturally to everyone and if this is the case, sex therapy can help.  

Try sex therapy

Sex therapy is a valuable resource for mixed-orientation relationships. Sex therapists are professionally trained to help people navigate sexual concerns and improve communication, which is exactly what this sort of situation requires. In sex therapy, partners can explore alternative forms of physical intimacy and develop strategies for addressing sexual discrepancies in a supportive environment. Sex therapists can also provide education about asexuality and help partners understand one another’s perspectives more deeply.

Takeaway

Mixed-orientation relationships are absolutely possible to navigate with patience, understanding, and open communication. Asexuality, as a spectrum, encompasses a variety of experiences and it is essential for both partners to respect and validate each others’ identities and needs. By communicating, addressing unmet needs, and considering sex therapy, the relationship has the best odds of honoring everyone’s needs.  

Additional Resources

• Relationship FAQ | The Asexual Visibility and Education Network 

• What Does It Mean to Be Asexual? 

• 14 Things to Know About Dating as an Asexual Person 

• What Is Asexuality: Myths and Truths About Being Asexual 

• Is Asexuality Even Real? | YouTube

• Understanding the Asexual Community | Human Rights Campaign 

• Refusing Compulsory Sexuality: A Black Asexual Lens on Our Sex-Obsessed Culture by Sherronda J. Brown 

• Curious About Differences in Desire? Here Are 3 Tips to Address Desire Discrepancy

• Is A Relationship Just Friendship With Sex? 

• Being Ace: An Anthology of Queer, Trans, Femme, and Disabled Stories of Asexual Love and Connection by Madeline Dyer  

What Are the Key Factors for Better Intimacy & Deeper Connections with My Partner

Intimacy is a fundamental aspect of human relationships that goes beyond physical closeness and sexual interactions. It's about connecting on multiple levels, fostering trust, and building strong bonds. In this blog post, we will explore five types of intimacy: physical intimacy (non-sexual touch), sexual intimacy, emotional intimacy, intellectual intimacy, and spiritual intimacy. We'll define each type, provide examples, and offer tips for nurturing these forms of intimacy.

What is Physical Intimacy?

Physical intimacy involves expressing affection and closeness through non-sexual touch. It includes a spectrum of gestures, from a gentle touch on the arm to a warm embrace. These actions convey love, connection, and a sense of physical presence. Simple acts like holding hands, cuddling, giving massages, dancing, or enjoying a spa day together contribute to physical intimacy.

How to Build Physical Intimacy

Rekindling physical intimacy often requires taking small, deliberate steps. Initiating physical contact through gestures like holding hands is a gentle approach. Gradually progressing to more intimate actions allows both partners to rebuild the connection at a comfortable pace. Open communication is crucial for expressing desires and boundaries. Additionally, couples can explore various activities that involve physical touch to strengthen their bond.

What is Sexual Intimacy?

Sexual intimacy involves the physical act of sexual expression, including intercourse, while emphasizing emotional connection and mutual desire. Beyond the physical aspects, it is about sharing vulnerability and creating a deep emotional bond through intimate moments.

How to Build Sexual Intimacy

The foundation of sexual intimacy lies in trust, open communication, and consent. Partners can build intimacy by discussing desires, boundaries, and preferences openly, creating a safe space for exploration. Regular date nights provide opportunities to nurture the emotional connection and discuss ways to enhance the sexual aspect of the relationship. Communication about needs and concerns is vital, and seeking professional guidance can help address any underlying issues.

What is Emotional Intimacy?

Emotional intimacy is the profound connection that emerges when individuals are open and vulnerable with each other. It involves sharing deep thoughts, feelings, fears and desires with a sense of trust and safety. In emotionally intimate relationships, individuals feel comfortable being their true selves, free from judgment or rejection.

How to Build Emotional Intimacy

Building emotional intimacy requires vulnerability, open communication, active listening, and the prioritization of quality time. Partners can strengthen their emotional bond by understanding and accepting each other on a profound emotional level. Creating a space where both individuals feel heard and valued fosters empathy, compassion, and an enduring sense of closeness.

What is Intellectual Intimacy?

Intellectual intimacy arises when two individuals share ideas, engage in stimulating conversations, and challenge each other intellectually. It involves appreciating each other's minds, perspectives, and the unique ways in which they think.

How to Build Intellectual Intimacy

Intellectual intimacy thrives on deep conversations about beliefs, values, and interests. Engaging in shared activities that stimulate the mind and respecting each other's differences contribute to the development of intellectual intimacy. Regularly challenging each other's thoughts in a respectful manner fosters a connection built on mutual intellectual appreciation.

What is Spiritual Intimacy?

Spiritual intimacy goes beyond religious beliefs, encompassing shared values, a sense of purpose, and the pursuit of growth. It can include both religious and non-religious aspects, forming a deep connection between two individuals.

How to Build Spiritual Intimacy

For religious spirituality, couples can attend religious services or events together, pray or meditate together, and engage in discussions about how their beliefs guide their lives. For non-religious spirituality, exploring mindfulness and meditation together, sharing personal philosophies and values, and participating in activities that connect with nature or the universe contribute to the development of spiritual intimacy. Regularly revisiting and reinforcing shared values and goals helps strengthen the spiritual connection between partners.

Takeaway

Intimacy is a multifaceted concept that encompasses various aspects of connection and vulnerability. Each type of intimacy can play a crucial role in building and maintaining healthy, fulfilling relationships. By understanding these different forms of intimacy and actively working to cultivate them, you can create stronger, more meaningful bonds with your loved ones. If you want to bring up intimacy concerns with a partner, I suggest a strengths-based approach by starting with the types of intimacy you feel are strong and present in the relationship. Instead of putting energy into talking about the lack of intimacy, redirect that energy into ideas and planning activities to build the aspects of intimacy in your relationship that have room to grow.