Happy Masturbation Awareness Month! Here’s Why You Should Celebrate…

If you’re not a sexpert like myself, you may not have known that May is Masturbation Awareness Month. While International Masturbation Day is May 28th, we dedicate the entire month to awareness and celebration of a scintillatingly enjoyable and anatomically natural form of pleasure that we think very highly of. This year’s celebration couldn’t come at a better time as many around the world find themselves with lots of alone time and less access to sexual partners. While there are many great reasons to masturbate this month (and every month), here are a few of our favorites.

It’s the Safest Form of Sex Right Now

This may go without saying, but having solo sex is the safest way to prevent sexually transmitted infections and, especially right now, viruses. We were recently interviewed by USA Today for saying so. Now, we’re not saying avoid sex with a trusted partner you live or are quarantining with. However, if you’re not living with a sexual partner, masturbation is the safest way to go to scratch that itch for pleasure while keeping a safe social distance. Just make sure you clean up your toys if you’re bringing them to the party.

It Helps with Sexual Functioning and Disease Prevention

There are some unintended, but potentially life changing, benefits of masturbating from a health and wellness standpoint. Research suggests that vibrator use, a major activity in masturbation for vulva owners, may lead to more positive sexual functioning and lead to a person being more proactive about their sexual health. For penis owners, research also suggests that more frequent ejaculation can help reduce the risk of prostate cancer. There has also been research suggesting that masturbation has therapeutic potential to fight certain cardiovascular diseases. 

It Activates Hormones in the Brain that Promote Happiness

Masturbation (orgasm specifically) has been known to be involved in the release of oxytocin and dopamine in the brain, known as the “happiness” and “love” hormone, respectively. As is explained in the Indian Journal of Endocrinology and Metabolism, oxytocin development begins right before pregnancy, continues during birth and later, travels throughout the entire body, triggering, or modulating a full range of physiological functions and emotions: happiness, attraction, love, and affection. The same hormones that are activated when experiencing happiness, love and affection are also activated during orgasm.

However you choose to celebrate Masturbation Awareness Month, make sure to do it safely and don’t forget to enjoy yourself! Be sure to visit our website for suggestions about our favorite pleasure-enhancing stories and devices.

4 Important Subjects Netflix’s Sex Education Aced in Season Two

If you’re a sex nerd like me, you have undoubtedly been watching Sex Education, which just released its second season on Netflix. If you haven’t seen it, get to it! It’s a smart, charming series surrounding Otis Milburn, a teenager at an English high school, who uses the wisdom passed on from his sex therapist mother to help his classmates with a variety of sexual topics, in exchange for a small fee. As you can guess, it’s not always that simple and Otis must come to terms with his own sex life and all that comes with it. 

Season Two has featured many great, unheralded sexual topics through its cast of characters. These are the four topics I’m totally pumped they covered this season.

*Warning, spoilers ahead*

1. Sexual Trauma Episode Three

Aimee, the caring but often naïve classmate of Otis is riding the bus to school as she always does when a stranger publicly masturbates and ejaculates on her pants, causing her to get off the crowded bus. Thinking of it nothing more than an annoying way to ruin a great pair of jeans, her friend, Maeve, urges her to go to the police station and file a report. Once Aimee realizes that the situation she experienced was sexual assault, her attitude begins to change and symptoms of sexual trauma emerge. Aimee becomes terrified of the bus, repelled by physical touch, even with her partner, and confides in her friends for help.

With the prevalence of sexual assault affecting over 80% of women in their lifetime, talking about sexual trauma is more important than ever. It is also common for survivors of sexual trauma to experience physical symptoms such as difficulty sleeping, feeling disconnected from one’s body, loss of control, as well as increased depression and anxiety. Young women are particularly at risk, with current estimates indicating that 1 in 5 college-aged women will experience sexual harassment on campus. While the reality of these statistics is stark, it is important that survivors of sexual trauma can get connected with the care and resources they need. To learn more about how to support survivors, checkout the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN), the National Sexual Assault Telephone Hotline, and a local hotline. 

2. Asexuality Episode Four

Florence, the a-bit-out-there star of the school production of Romeo and Juliet begins receiving pressure from her classmates to try to sleep with Jackson, the heart throb college bound jock turned thespian co-star. It is then that Florence realizes that she doesn’t just not want to have sex with Jackson, she doesn’t want to have sex with anyone. When she describes her feelings as “surrounded by a huge feast of everything I’ve wanted to eat, but I’m not hungry.” Dr. Milburn explains the concept of asexuality.

Asexuality is a sexual orientation that refers to a person who does not experience sexual attraction. We are so glad that Sex Education is increasing the visibility of asexuality, particularly because asexuality can be misunderstood and underrepresented in media. People who identify as asexual may also experience romantic or sensual attraction. Sexuality exists on a continuum and there are nuances to what each individual may experience. To learn more about asexuality and the ACE community, checkout The Asexuality Visibility and Education Network (AVEN), the world’s largest online community providing wonderful resources on asexuality. 

3. Douching Episode Six

When Anwar, the snobby but sexually vulnerable classmate of Otis, begins exploring anal sex with his boyfriend for the first time, he becomes anxious when he questions the cleanliness of his anus. He makes up an excuse to not proceed with the encounter, then asks Otis if he knows anything about how to douche.

Douching is the practice of cleansing and washing the body, in particular the genitals. The word douche, in French, means to shower -- a natural translation. Most commonly, people discuss the practice of vaginal or rectal or anal douching. Anal douching is commonly practiced to eliminate bacteria in the anus, which makes some people feel more comfortable before engaging in anal sex. Some experts warn against anal douching due to the possibility of injury and because certain cleansing agents can interfere with the electrolytes in the body by removing healthy intestinal flora that otherwise promote healthy gut health. If you are going to douche, make sure to educate yourself on the risks and engage in safety practices.

4. Vaginismus Episode Eight

Finally, in the season finale, Ola and Lily have finally begun exploring their feelings for each other and attempt digital penetration. It is then when Lily reveals to Ola that she suffers from vaginismus, which makes her vagina “like a venus fly trap.”

‘Closing up like a venus fly trap’ may not be the best clinical description of vaginismus, but for some, the spasm-like response resonates. Vaginismus is defined as the recurrent or persistent involuntary contractions (spasm) of vaginal muscles that generally results in distress and pain during sex, specifically with any type of vaginal penetration. Sexuality education, pelvic floor physical therapy, and sex therapy can be effective treatment options for vaginismus. Vaginal dilators, which were also showcased in the episode, are often incorporated during pelvic floor physical therapy to help strengthen vaginal elasticity. While not thrilled that Lily was experiencing physical discomfort during sex, I am pleased to see that vaginismus is being brought to the forefront.

I  love a show that normalizes very, well, normal sexual issues, behaviors, disorders and methods and brings them into the consciousness of the open public. Sex Education is not only funny, entertaining, sweet but also very accurate and important toward breaking sexual stigmas and learning how to talk about topics that affect us all. Way to go Netflix!

The Big News About The Big O.

Were they good in bed? Did you climax? How many orgasms did you have? How long did you last? Post-coitus conversations about orgasms have become a common social experience, ones that are often used to evaluate sexual encounters, but they are actually pretty unhelpful. When we place a lot of importance on our orgasms (for ourselves or our partners), we place demands on ourselves psychologically, which can distract from our ability to experience pleasure. The "must have an orgasm" mantra creates an anxious dialogue that makes our minds stress during sex instead of relax, which makes it even more difficult to reach orgasm.

So I'm here to share some big news about orgasms and sexual pleasure. Ready? Here it comes.

We are most primed for orgasm when we are relaxed, focused and not stressed. This means we need to calm our minds if we want to have a mind-altering experience.

Craving a deeply relaxed and sensational climax? Here are some of my favorite tips to get you started:

1. Relax the body with soothing touch. Instead of starting with the most arousing areas like the genitals, try touching the body creatively and focusing on areas that are not commonly associated with arousal. Sending soothing vibes to your body helps set the tone for what's about to happen next.

2. Clean up your boudoir. The environment around us has an impact on our ability to stay focused. Research from Princeton University determined that the brain has a more challenging time focusing on and completing tasks when we are surrounded by clutter. If you want to feel relaxed and focused, make your space reflect that by removing the clutter.

3. Bring your mind to the present moment. Staying present is a challenge for many of us, but it's really important when it comes to sexual pleasure. Even the smallest distractions can interrupt our journey to pleasure town, so try to be mindful of things that you know might get in the way (pets, kids, alarms, electronic devices) and seek space from them. Maybe it's your laundry list of chores that keeps running through your mind. If so, remind yourself that whatever you need to do can wait -- it's time for pleasure right now.

4. Stay connected to the sensations that feel best. One of the best strategies for staying connected to sensations is directing your thoughts to the part of your body that is being touched. If your partner's fingertips are grazing across your chest, draw your attention to the area of physical contact and notice how pleasurable it feels. Continue often.

5. Pick your favorite pleasure mantra and run with it. Think about your favorite pleasurable words or phrases and repeat those in your head over and over. Pick something that means something to you and helps you connect with pleasure. "This is super hot" or "my partner loves pleasuring me" are two examples. Try to stay away from phrases like "I must orgasm" that put demands on yourself as opposed to promoting relaxation.

Prepping your mind for pleasure is equally as important as prepping the body. Next time you're in the mood, try out these tips for a pleasurable sexual experience. Enjoy!