Condoms for Coitus: Types of Condoms and Tips for Best Usage

Condoms get a bad rap. Most of that is made up of misconceptions though, which is why we’re here to clear them up. The reality is that condoms are an invaluable tool for safer sex. They are currently the only barrier method to effectively prevent the transmission of sexually transmitted infections (STIs). You may be thinking “but I don’t have any STIs!” but in actuality, you can have asymptomatic, yet still transmittable STIs. The only way to ensure you do not have an STI is to get tested regularly. Condoms help prevent the transmission of STIs. It should be noted, there is no shame around STIs; they’re natural and they happen. That being said, most people would prefer to avoid them! 

Types of Condoms

When you think of a condom, you probably think about a latex sheath that rolls over any phallic object, be that penis or otherwise. Within this category of external condoms, there are a variety of options that differ in effects and material. There are also internal condoms.

Here are a few of the most common types of condoms:

• External 

  • This is the condom you know and (maybe?) love. They are widely available, affordable, and 98% effective when used correctly. 

• Internal 

  • Internal condoms, much less popular than their inverted sibling, are essentially a pouch that's inserted in the vagina or anus. It works like other condoms, except that it's worn on the inside.

• Spermicide-coated

  • There are traditional condoms that are sold with a sperm-killing chemical on them. It is debatable whether the amount is significant enough to make a difference. The best bet, if you are interested in spermicide, would be to use a separate spermicide product in conjunction with condoms.

• Polyurethane

  • Polyurethane condoms are an option for anyone who has a latex allergy. The biggest downside is that these are slightly more prone to breakage which is not a great quality for a condom. This means it is even more important than usual to have an additional contraceptive method on board with these types of condoms. An upside of these condoms is that polyurethane tends to be thinner than latex and may offer a preferable sensation for the person wearing them.

• Flavored

  • Flavored condoms are exactly what they sound like: regular condoms that have flavors. These are best for oral sex, as opposed to vaginal or anal intercourse. As an aside, yes, you should be using condoms even for oral sex. The flavor has the potential to enhance the experience for the giver of oral sex but they should not be used inside any orifice of the body (e.g., vagina or anus) because the ingredients that create the flavor might cause irritation if used internally.

• Textured

  • Textured condoms are also exactly what they sound like: regular condoms but with texture. While the texture offers no protective benefit, it may provide additional pleasure for the recipient of intercourse. It can be fun to experiment with different textures and evaluate how they impact the sexual experience. 

Tips

• Always make sure your condom fits snugly but not so tightly it might break. Size is a huge factor in condom efficacy. 

• Do not reuse condoms. 

• Condoms expire! Regularly check their expiration date to make sure yours are still good to go; if not, they are far more likely to break. 

• If your condom is not already lubricated, apply lube to the body before insertion to decrease friction (high friction leads to breakage).

• Do not keep a condom in your wallet. The heat and friction are a recipe for breakage. 

• Find a condom that you enjoy the feeling of, or at the very least do not mind. This way, you’ll be far more likely to use them. 

• Do not use condoms with oil-based lubricant or any other oil-based product like baby oil or Vaseline. They will cause the condom to deteriorate. 

• Do not wear more than one condom. It’s unnecessary at best and can lead to breakage at worst. 

• For marathon sessions or longer sexual encounters, switch out condoms about every 30 minutes to prevent breakage. 

Happy National Condom Month! Now that you are aware of condom best practices, you can enjoy yourself while practicing safer sex with peace of mind.

A Simplified Guide To Safer [Oral] Sex

Blowjobs, fellatio, giving head, eating out, cunnilingus, rimming. These are all terms used to reference oral sex which is any activity that involves the mouth, lips, or tongue, to stimulate the genitals, or anus of a sex partner. According to the CDC, more than 85% of sexually-active adults (ages 18 to 44) reported having oral sex at least once with a partner, showing just how common oral sex is. 

The safest situation, other than abstaining from oral sex, is to only have oral sex if you are in a sexually monogamous relationship and you and your partner have both been tested recently. Not everyone is in this situation, and that should not deter you from having oral sex.   

Oral sex can be extremely pleasurable, but it is important to take precautions since STI (Sexually Transmitted Infection) transmission can occur. Here are some critical things to know when engaging in oral sex. 

1. A person can acquire an STI while participating in oral sex

According to the CDC, certain infections such as Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, Syphilis, Herpes, HPV, and in rare occasions, HIV, can be transmitted during oral sex. Furthermore, according to Avert, a charity providing accurate and trusted information about HIV and sexual health, notes that if you are engaging in oral-anal sex you could contract infections such as hepatitis A and E.coli. There is generally a very low risk of HIV infection from oral sex unless the receptive partner is living with an STI and has genital sores, or the partner providing oral stimulation has an STI and is symptomatic with sores, warts, or bleeding gums.  

Not all STIs have symptoms and/or symptoms could be more subtle. The University of Florida's Student Health Care Center recommends “looking before you lick,” to check for lesions, growths, or unusual discharge in the genital area. If you notice any of these, hold off on oral sex until your partner gets tested since these symptoms may be due to STIs. Furthermore, according to Avert, infections can be passed on even if there are no obvious signs or symptoms, meaning you should be getting tested frequently. 

If you are sexually active, the best practice is to get tested for STIs frequently. The CDC provides extensive guidelines for how often you should get tested based on your demographic, but it is advisable to get tested with each new partner for full transparency. Furthermore, many are unaware of window periods, the time it takes for an STI to read as positive after it has been transmitted. While some STIs only take a week to show up on a test, some may take up to four months.

It is always important to discuss your safer sex plans with your partner(s) including your test history and results, any sexual health concerns you are currently experiencing, and how this information will inform your plans for practicing safer [oral] sex. Greatist provides a helpful template on how you can speak to new partners about your sexual health status. 

To learn more about STIs and how to talk about them head over to our  recent blog post, Discussing Your STI Status and Practicing Safer Sex. 

2.  Use barrier methods for protection 

A way to protect against STIs during oral sex is by using barrier methods such as condoms and dental dams. There are a variety of brands, styles, and flavors of barrier methods to choose from, which can be fun to mix it up. You and a sexual partner can get a variety of barrier methods and try out a new one every time you engage in oral sex! A good rule of thumb is to always have your barrier method of choice with you so that you can always engage in safer oral sex. Lastly, make sure to use a new barrier for each sex act. 

External Condoms

If you are giving oral sex and your partner has a penis, we recommend using an external condom to prevent the transmission of STIs. To learn more about how to use external condoms, visit our Instagram for an IGTV demonstration led by ESW associate, Marnie Spiegel.

Dental Dams

If your partner has a vulva, or you are stimulating your partner anally, we recommend using a dental dam. To use a dental dam, hold one side against your partner’s vulva or anus and lick the other side, making sure to never turn the dam over. This graphic from Healthline shows how to use a dental dam.

Source: Healthline

Experts also recommend using a dental dam if the receptive partner is menstruating because menstrual blood can carry bacteria and viruses. Sometimes it can be difficult to find dental dams on short notice. Dental dams cannot always be found at gas stations, grocery stores, or doctors’ offices, so Healthline recommends going to a local adult store that sells pleasure devices, lube, and condoms or ordering them online at stores such as World Condoms or Undercover Condoms. There’s no need to worry because you can make your own by cutting a condom lengthways from bottom to top/the tip to create a single piece of material that can be used as a dam. This graphic from Healthline illustrates how you can create a dental dam out of a condom.

Source: Healthline

Watch this video from University of Chicago’s Wellness Center that teaches you how to convert an external condom into an effective dental dam!

Finger Condoms

Finger cots, or more commonly known as finger condoms, can be used when fingering a vagina or anus. Elizabeth Boskey at Very Well Health states that finger condoms can be an effective barrier method if you are only using one finger. They can reduce the risk of certain STIS and are often more comfortable than gloves. They note that finger condoms can be found in some first aid aisles of drugstores, but you can also purchase them online or make them by cutting a finger off of a latex glove. You can also experiment with different flavors of barrier methods, to excite your tastebuds and make safer oral sex more enjoyable - we recommend the strawberry flavor.

3. Brushing your teeth or using mouthwash before and after engaging in oral sex can lead to infection

You may want your breath to smell good before “going down” on someone, but brushing your teeth can actually increase your risk of contracting an STI. According to the University of Georgia’s Health Center, flossing and brushing your teeth can cause your gums to bleed, thus irritating them and making it easier for an infection to pass from one partner to another. In a 2017 interview with Shape magazine, endodontist Gary Glassman, D.D.S shared that you should only be rinsing your mouth out with water, nothing else, before and after having oral sex.

Oral hygiene is a necessary part of having safer oral sex. According to the CDC, poor oral health can lead to tooth decay, gum disease, bleeding gums, and oral cancer, thus making it easier for STIs to be transmitted. Make sure you are brushing and flossing regularly!

4. If you think you have the common cold, hold off on oral sex, as you may have an oral infection

It is important to note that some oral infections can be easily confused with the common cold. Assistant professor of clinical medicine at Northwestern Memorial Hospital in Chicago, Gil Weiss, M.D, reports that some symptoms of STIs (such as a sore throat, cough, fever, and enlarged lymph nodes in the neck) are similar to symptoms of a common cold. The University of Georgia’s Health Center recommends abstaining from oral sex if your partner has a cold sore on their mouth or they are living with sores, discharge, or unusual odors on their genitals as these may be signs of infection.

Oral sex is pleasurable, but can be made even more pleasurable if sexual safety is taken into account. If you are feeling nervous about having oral sex because you think you may be experiencing symptoms of an STI, we recommend you hold off on oral sex until you get tested. Keep these tips in mind as you engage in oral sex, but most importantly make sure you are having a pleasureful time! 

TLDR:

1. A person can acquire an STI while participating in oral sex

2. Use barrier methods for protection 

3. Brushing your teeth or using mouthwash before and after engaging in oral sex can lead to infection

4. If you think you have the common cold, hold off on oral sex, as you may have an oral infection

9 Myths You Missed in Sex Ed Class

No matter where and when you got your sex education, you likely heard some incorrect information, whether it be from friends, parents, pop culture, the media, or formal education. If you learned false information about sex, we are here to help. 

Generalizations are often made leaving some to feel confused or harmed by the information given to them. Today on the Embrace Sexual Wellness blog, we will be debunking some of the myths you may have learned about sex. 

Myth #1: Orgasm is the be-all-and-end-all of sex

Having an orgasm can be a wonderful sensation, but it does not have to be the goal of all sexual interactions. Sex is so much more than the moment of orgasm. It is about pleasure and connection with your partner(s). Consider this, what would it be like if you thought about sexual pleasure as a journey and not a destination?

Thinking about orgasm as the goal of sex can also lead to increased stress, not pleasure. According to a study published in Hippokratia, when one feels pressure to perform sexually, their body activates its sympathetic nervous system, which results in the increased production of stress hormones, such as epinephrine, norepinephrine and cortisol. These hormones increase blood pressure levels and reduce blood flow to the genitals, which can lead to sexual functioning problems (e.g., decreased sensation in the vulva, erectile dysfunction, inhibited arousal), as well as a more stressful sexual dynamic between partners.

Orgasms are not a given in all sexual interactions and this pressure to perform can lead to added stress. A 2020 study in Current Sexual Health Reports notes that the orgasm gap still exists. The orgasm gap is the phenomenon that in heterosexual relationships, male partners orgasm at higher rates than their female counterparts. Furthermore, the experience of orgasm can be limiting. A theory in an article published in Current Sexual Health Reports states that those with penises are more likely to reach orgasm since they are taught from a young age that it is okay to explore their bodies more than those with vulvas. Additionally, the research suggests that the cultural prioritization of penile-vaginal intercourse over more clitorally focused sexual activities is linked to the orgasm gap.  

Furthermore, an article in Healthline emphasizes the importance of pleasure during sex aside from an orgasm. The article also notes that when focusing on achieving orgasm alone, safety, well-being, respect, and connection are neglected. 

TLDR: Orgasms are wonderful, but they are not the be-all-and-end-all.

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Myth #2: Sex = vaginal penetration 

The heteronormative idea that sex is simply vaginal penetration is incorrect. According to Teen Health Source, a Planned Parenthood Canadian-run sexual health information service for teens, the definition of sex is flexible. Being sexual means different things to different people, and only you get to decide how you define being sexual. Sex can include a range of activities that feel sexual and pleasurable to you.

Research inspired by Alfred Kinsey that was published in PLOS ONE, indicates that there are many common sexual behaviors including but not limited to vaginal sex, oral sex, anal sex, sending and receiving nude images, and masturbation. Assuming that sex is only vaginal penetration is exclusionary to those who do not have vaginal sex, or cannot for health reasons. By expanding our definitions of sex, we can make sex more inclusive to people across all identities. 

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Myth #3: A person with a vulva pops their cherry when they have sex for the first time

Did you ever hear the phrase “popping one’s cherry”? The phrase popping your cherry tends to apply to the belief that an intact hymen is an indicator if someone with a vulva has engaged in vaginal intercourse. According to an article in Women’s Health Magazine, many still believe that an intact hymen is a sign of purity. Well, guess what? Popping one’s cherry is not an accurate phrase in determining if someone has engaged in vaginal intercourse or is “pure”.

The hymen is a membrane that lines the opening of the vagina and varies in its size and shape. According to Medical News Today, many people with vulvas do not experience tearing of the hymen during sexual intercourse and sometimes hymens are torn during other non-sexual physical activities, such as horseback riding, riding bicycles, gymnastics, and inserting tampons. In fact, according to a study published in the North American Society for Pediatric and Adolescent Gynecology, some people with vaginas do not have hymen to begin with which means that they never will “pop their cherry”. 

A person does not “pop their cherry” and a “popped cherry” does not mean a person is no longer pure. There has never been validity to these messages.

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Myth #4: Virginity is an accurate concept (CW: Sexual Violence and Racism)

In her book Virgin: The Untouched History, Hanne Blank, shares that humans have constructed the idea of virginity. This concept, that almost always focuses on females in heterosexual sexual encounters, has been used as an exploitative force for political and cultural forces. In fact, in the Renaissance and Medieval periods, western virginity was symbolized by whiteness and nonwhite people were viewed as sexually immoral. European colonizers also used the concept of virginity to sexually abuse Black women. A 2016 article published in Black & Gold, discusses how Black women were hyper sexualized by white men in order to justify raping and dehumanizing them. The idea of virginity was critical in this historical narrative to justify that white women were pure while Black women were viewed as impure.

The concept of virginity is problematic because it teaches women that their virginity (a.k.a. their sexual behavior) is a commodity for men. Women are often shamed for being sexual, a.k.a. “losing their virginity”, while men are praised for doing so. This sexist ideology that it is okay for men to have sex, but not for women can lead to slut-shaming.  

Virginity is important to some people who choose to engage in abstinence (often defined as waiting to have sex until marriage) or secondary abstinence (waiting to have sex until marriage after having sex prior). According to a study published in Sexuality & Culture, secondary virginity is based on the social construction of gendered sexuality and heterosexuality. This idea of secondary virginity is often infused with conservative Christian ideology, but for some, it is simply a method to protect against pregnancy and STIs. For others, it is a commitment to wait until they are emotionally connected to someone, in some cases waiting to have sex until marriage. 

The term ‘virgin’ is typically used to describe a person who has never had sex, but this is also challenging since the definition of sex is ambiguous. According to Planned Parenthood, the concept of virginity is inaccurate because everyone defines sex differently and the term is not helpful in determining if someone was sexually active or not. Only you can decide if you are a virgin, but it doesn’t need to matter or hold value unless you want it to. Sexuality professionals recommend using less loaded terms such as ‘sexual debut’ or ‘first sexual encounter’. According to Healthline, this myth of virginity can impact the way we think about sex and our expectations for sex in the first place. The concept of virginity as we know it assumes that one is losing something when they have sex for the first time, putting a negative connotation on sex.

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Myth #5: The words vulva and vagina are interchangeable

This is something a lot of people misunderstand, including people with vulvas. Planned Parenthood defines the vulva as the part of the genitals on the outside of the body of those who were assigned female at birth. The vagina, however, is a canal that connects one’s vulva with their cervix and uterus. It’s the portal to which babies and menstrual blood leave the body. Vaginas are one part of the vulva, which is the larger structure.

Source: Planned Parenthood

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Myth #6: People with disabilities and chronic illnesses cannot have sex

People with disabilities and chronic illnesses are sexual beings. The myth that they cannot have sex or are not sexual largely stems from ableism. Our Bodies, Ourselves, an organization that empowers women with information about health, sexuality and reproduction, debunks this myth that those with chronic illness and disabilities are uninterested in sex, unable to have sex, or are undesirable. In fact, they indicate that some women with chronic illness, such as fibromyalgia, find that direct genital stimulation can help block the pain that they are feeling. They also note that medical establishments need to recognize that people with chronic illness and disabilities want to be seen as sexual beings. A study published in American Family Physician specifies that this assumption can be harmful to those with disabilities and chronic illnesses, as it can cause them to become uninterested in sex because of misconceptions about their ability to have sex, as well as other factors, such as depression, fatigue, pain and stress.

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Myth #7: Sex ends with ejaculation

Absolutely not! Sexual interactions are about the pleasure of all parties involved. It is important to communicate with your partner(s) about when you are ready for sex to be over. Partnered sex is about communal pleasure. Unless you are engaging in a specific BDSM scene where one person’s pleasure is prioritized over another, such as in a M/S dynamic, and it has been decided beforehand, everyone’s pleasure should be prioritized.  

Pleasure is the cornerstone of sexual wellbeing. Ejaculation is not. All bodies are different and not all bodies will always ejaculate during sex. Everyone’s pleasure is important! 

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Myth #8: The pullout method is an effective way to prevent pregnancy

This myth is one that affects people who are engaging in penile-vaginal intercourse, which is not reflective of all sexual interactions. The pullout method is a method of birth control where the partner with a penis removes their penis from the vagina before ejaculation occurs. Some may believe that the pullout method is a reliable and effective method of birth control, when in fact it is not. According to Planned Parenthood, the pullout method, also known as withdrawal, is only 78% effective when used alone. Furthermore, the pullout method does not work to protect against STIs. Barrier methods such as internal and external condoms and dental dams are safer methods that can effectively prevent pregnancy and the transmission of STIs and HIV.

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Myth #9: Kink is shameful

Kink is not shameful. It is actually extremely common. An article published in Haworth Press reveals that up to 14% of American men and 11% of American women report having engaged in some form of BDSM. The Kink Clinical Practice Guidelines also state that approximately 45-60% of the population experience fantasies related to dominance and/or submission. By understanding how common kink is, we can begin to break down the stigma surrounding kink and those that practice it. 

Kink is also not a monolith. When shaming the world of kink, many are shaming a concept, rather than an act. There are multiple ways to engage in kink, such as bondage, dominance, masochism, submission, and role play, and none of them are shameful. Give this Glamour article a read to learn more about kinks and fetishes in A to Z format.

Research published in the Journal of Sex Medicine suggests that people who practice kink have a desire to engage in discussions with their health care providers about their health without fear of being judged for their sexual desires. The more that kink is societally stigmatized, the more harmful it can be to those engaging in kink.

TLDR: Kink is not shameful and Kinksters should not be stigmatized. A kink is simply a form of sexual desire or behavior. 

Takeaway

While these are not the only myths and misconceptions about sex, these are some of the common ones we have heard frequently. It is always good to do your research before believing something new about sex, or anything for that matter. There is so much false information, and we are here to help. Some things you can do when encountering new information about sex include: consider the source of the information, research the information yourself and look for empirical evidence that supports or disproves it, and talk with professionals about why said information is fact versus opinion.

Remember, sexuality education is a lifelong journey. Looking for more resources to continue learning? Visit our resources page here to learn more.